July 1, 2008
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Career, Controversy, & Character
My life is screwed. I have no idea what career I want to go into when I grow up – why? Because I am fascinated by too many things. I am everywhere yet nowhere at the same time…today my dad just lectured to me about the importance of finding a real career…I just sat there until finally I shouted back at him that I am not interested in his stupid lecture because I haven’t made up my mind yet. No matter how long it took for me to get to where I am now – I still have no real, stable, obtainable career goal. I am just objective-less. I have no real mission in life save to save humanity from the greatest conspiracy – the New World Order but there is no job labeled, ‘saving the world.” That is, ” fantasy,” as many people would say – and that the reason why I, “fell,” for, “conspiracy theorist,” is because, “[you] are dumb and stupid and those people want to warp and manipulate your mind and get rich…” Well, that certainly isn’t true. I am a rebel – pretty much fulltime all the time, and I am not going to change that any time soon. I have no need to consult any doctor of any sorts whatsoever because they’re all bullshit therefore useless (99.9999% of them to be more precise)…
Now, returning to my career-less life objective – either I have no intention of having a comfortable career like journalism, engineering, librarian, accountant, soldier, or whatever there is out there – or I am just way too high in the clouds to be down-to-earth…or I am just too fucking lazy, tired, angered, frustrated, depressed, saddened, and ticked off to be worrying about a future career…because I honestly DO NOT KNOW what career I want to get into because the only job I can imagine myself dong is saving the world from the dangers from within…(again, I am off topic; but oh well)…
I hate it when my parents argue with me over how it is,”bad for [your] mind” to study symbols and such things…and that it is all a trap and that I am, “addicted,” to it…it just makes me more pissed off and more angered that they say such a thing without ever seeing the evidence for themselves or even bother to think about what I say – so, instead I gave up and just retaliate once they told me enough I have had enough of the bullshit that they keep throwing at my face…it is like my parents love me for all the wrong reasons…they just want to be obedient to authority something I am not very good at (although work did teach me that tolerating Authority does have its pros and cons)…it still doesn’t stop me from wanting to Fuck Big Brother…
The bonds between me and my parents are ever so weakening – it is as if my parents don’t really understand the point of view that I am coming from…and sometimes I wonder why am I born to such intolerant parents of children who enjoy questioning and fucking authority…? Well – that is all because of culture I suppose…I’ve literally lived in both the East and the West so how the fuck am I suppose to make up my mind when it comes to the most important decision of my life: A FUCKING CAREER. I want to take care of people but at the same time there is my own personal interests at heart – I want to be self-serving and selfless at the same time and it is difficult to find and actually live up to such high expectations I have for myself without being accused of being a hypocrite or a grey matter or a lunatic, or a, “crazy conspiracy theorist”…it is like I am living in a fucking zoo…everyone else knows where they want to be in ten, twenty or thirty years from now – but NOT ME…no me…I just say, “fuck it – I’ll improvise…” and where has my improvisation taken me? NO WHERE…perhaps I am insane as many people would say and believe – but the thing is – I love and cherish my insanity because the hell with it – it is crazy beyond cool…in a good way…
I confess I am a fucked up person with lots of rebellious and revolutionary thoughts and ideals…which explains why many people don’t like me…so instead I keep most of my work relations at acquittance level so that they may gradually understand or wish to hear about what I have to say…about my ambitions, goals, and thoughts and perspectives regarding this fucked up Earth we are living on….
I am a hard and dedicated, committed man and I remain steadfast on many of my perspectives and opinions no matter how, “radical,” or, “extreme,” they may seem…fuck it we are all hypocrites already! Just fucking live with it – as long as we don’t bomb each other because of each other’s hypocrisy I say – be hypocrites for as long as you are, “sane”…there is nothing wrong with that…
Happy Canada Day and to Canada: I say fuck Patriotism and Faith unto my country. I wasn’t even born here so whatever…and the things that I can thank you for are; friends, rather fucked up freedoms, fucked up safety (no right to bear arms something I am still against), and the experience…of life itself from the past to the present to the providence to come…thanks Canada!
Love, Xinyu Hu
Comments (3)
Xinyu,
Since I refuse to express ALL my opinions with you, I’ll just sum it up in one word- wow.
Happy Canada Day! Comparatively speaking, you are living in the “best” country in the world. So live it up, be happy and thankful. Otherwise, get out of the “best country in the world” and find your own perfect little place on this God-forsaken planet. I am proudly Canadian, how about you?
Good luck…I think you are really going to need it. I can’t say anymore, otherwise, you might explode more. Haha.
G9
@UnitG24 -
Gabe,
How is your response meant to made me feel any better?
How would you expect me to be, “proudly Canadian/” What the hell do you think I am? A patriotic sheep?
No it doesn’t help me or you any more when you don’t say or can’t say anything else…you know why? Because the less I know the more pissed off I become…so I would very much like to hear your ENTIRE opinion…besides opinions are made to be discussed not be hidden and tucked away in some other world out there…
Your continued policy would only make matters worse – way worse than you anticipated. Time for a policy-change Gabriel – your strategy is NOT working for either of us.
Xinyu Hu
Dear Xinyu, I hope you take to heart my advice that I voiced yesterday about your concerns with a career. Just because I like writing and want to write novels, does not mean I’ll actually follow through with that career for life. If anything, I don’t think 99% of humans actually stay with their first job for the rest of their life. You have every right to feel lost and confused. The only way to confirm what career you want is probably to try different kinds of jobs, each one covering your unique interests. If you have no mind set for a professional job, as in one that is specific, then you must be willing to work as anyone, for anything, as long as you get to “save the world.” So do that- find a job that can support yourself financially and your interests and save the world. Who said you can’t have it all? As far as I’m concerned, there will never be immense pressure for you to MAKE something of yourself, in the sense that you add a professional title to your name. Be who you are and do what you think you were put on this Earth to do. I already support you buddy. I love you more than you can imagine. You are my closest friend and to me, part of God impersonated. Take that as a compliment. I want you to be well and so if that includes putting your future worries at rest for a while, so be it. Let time do for you what you cannot make up your mind about.
Be re-assured, if things were meant to work out, they will. For once, trust me if you cannot altogether trust fate to work out for the better. I just know it has to if you are meant to be alive for many years to come.
Hopeful and caring much about you, Signed: Anthia Pun