October 6, 2008
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Drowning…
Right now, at this moment, I feel am drowning in deep waters…I can’t even breath. I am suffocating inside, and I am dying internally. This is sacrifice that is so much and so painful, I wonder how I’ll survive it.
This is what it feels to be Xinyu.
You don’t know what to think, what to feel, and even your most basic survival instincts. There is for ever a scar in your heart, a burden that must be carried for ever or until the proper time to let it go…you are suffocating and drowning in a pool of despair and agony…yet you can not let yourself out of it for surrender is never an option, it never was, and never shall be. You are being burned inside out, and as you look upon your broken soul, all you can do is cry and sob it out in your heart of hearts…
A dark cloud covers your entire consciousness, and as you watch in sorrow, you realize that the darkness is inevitable, and it is unstoppable, and that this Darkness shall not end until the proper apportioned time…until God and Fate determines otherwise. It is agonazing, and dreadful, but what can you do? Let out the dragon above that snow-white mountain peak…or hold it in and suffer it through…and you choose to suffer through, to not let your anger consume you even as you are suffering and dying inside…
You can’t even breath, you are dying every moment of every second while you are still alive…
This is what it feels to be Xinyu.
