Month: August 2009

  • Strange Syncs...

    Three days ago - or (11=3) of 2009 (11), on August 18, I woke up at 11:11 am. Today, three days later - I also got up at 11:11 am. Today is August 21, which also adds up to 11, and since this year is 2009, it is also 11. This day is the 233 day of the year. Three days ago, it was the 230th day of the year.

    233 is the 13th Fibonnaci number, and it adds up to 8. Or, if you want to be more compliced, 2 + 3^2 is 11. The 230th day of the year adds up to 5, and 2 cubed is 8.

    And August - we all know, is the month of the Sun - Leo - or Neo. Neo resided in Room 101 in the Matrix, and the setting of Fallout shows humanity in huge vaults living under a post-Apoclyptic America in Vault 101, which resembles the Sun Wheel of 12 spoaks. Since 101 is binary for 5, we have the mysterious 23 and 230 connection.

    Eight plus five is thirteen. The thirteenth Fibonnaci number is 233. The connections my friends - the CONNECTIONS.

    SOMETHING BIG IS HAPPENING TO ME. WHAT IS IT?

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    K2

    IXXI

    9119

    XIIX

    137

    461

    416

    128

    821

    911

    119

    This is just too weird to be true.

    Any idea of what is happening to me?

     

     

     

  • Why I am Defiant

    I am a defiant, rebellious, and agitated personality. I am defiant, because, I feel I do not belong anywhere. I feel I am restrained by morals, by rules (no matter how reasonable), and by the rest of humanity. I believe in infinite, in absolute, in pure - power. I believe that I am born to seek power. I do not believe that rules are important, even if they are in a fictional universe. To me, what is finite is an obstacle, and a thorn on my side that I must overcome to achieve my objectives (no matter how objectionable). I believe that I am born to be great, and as such, should have unlimited powers, resources, and admiration.

    Yet, I have none of those things in real life. They are simply a daydream. Still, I deny it. I want to have power. I want to believe that all the power in the universe is mine, and that I am some kind of deity or god. I know that what I say on here is so corrupt and devoid of humanity - but I am hungry for power, perhaps - deep down, for some affection, for some love, even some care.

    I have none of those. So, what do I do with everything I have left? Simple, I squander in the lust for pure, infinite, absolute power.

    Even in an RPG forum, I am agitated by its rules. I believe that the "finite" doctrine is not important, and so, I defy it. I challenge it. I believe that I can build a machine that will overcome the finite doctrine, and do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want it, and become God. I hate bureacracy, and so, I challenge it by frustrating it. I agitate other people because I am myself agitated, annoyed, and aggravated by my own life. I have become so corrupted by power and the lure of it lately that I am even more lost, more frustrated, and more angered.

    I have no respect for petty bot-nations because I do not see them as nations with real people. What real people? They are simply expendable in my view. I believe that I can do whatever I want, because nobody has really effectively stopped me - although they stalled me, but they have not stopped me by purging me from existence. So, I hunger for ultimate power, control, and domination for its own sake because it is the last thing I have left after losing so much in this real world. I disregard the powers of and Admin, because I challenge it by the letter. I rival the Admin in authority because, even as I am powerless, I feverishly seek power for its own sake. I have become so selfish because I have nothing left. I am only a ghost of what I used to be. The power I feel is just a shadow of what it once was. I have become a spirit devoid of life and purpose. So, I seek power by defiance, by being disrespectful to some pathetic bot-nations, and continually seeking power by deception, by conspiracy, and by elaborate illusions.

    I am so corrupt. I am aware and unaware of this fact. I know it, as much as I am ignorant of it. I love and hate power for its own sake, and I choose to love and hate it in the name of power itself. Ironic, but not so for me.

     

     

  • Confessions of The Dark Lord

    I have written a psychopathic, if not a sociopathic post on power, and I realize that nobody cared to read it, or, if they did, are frightened by how could such a lovely young man turn out to be like this? How could one write with such indiference the effect of manipulation, coercion, and conspiracy against people without a blink? How, one may ask, could one become so seduced by power? What was the cause? And above all - why?

    This post seeks to answer many of those questions.

    First thing, though, one must realize about me is that I am a loner. I am socially inadequate. I have virtually no friends, and whatever friends I do have - they are either too far away, or...there is no certainty in which direction such friendship are going...and also - there is the fear of rejection on my part...which, despite my sincerest effort to eradicate - is not "solvable."

    I am not a perfect person. I am a man who has lost friendship after friendship, and who has discovered through his last nearly 22 years of his life that this world is an illusion, and that this is just one level of a higher reality. The reason - being that I am a, "conspiracy crackhead." I love conspiracies. I love to study them. I see the logic in conspiracies and manipulation where others do not. I see the reasons why people seek to do evil where they themselves may not recognize it as such, whether consciously or unconsciously.

    I have suffered too much all my life. I have lost my best friend, lover, and the most sacred of all things - virginity to my former best friend. I lost all three - simultaneously. I did not just lose one thing...I lost three things...in what took three years to forge...it took only 3 seconds to devastate. I loved her once. I truly did. I thought I could loved her forever. She was my everything, and the source of my grounding - the person who kept me grounded and not be too far away from groundlevel. Unfortunately; ever since she left me in the sign of the Scorpion...that is...October 2008...things just have turned from bad to worse.

    I have become obsessive with conspiracies, with power, and with doublethink - the warped up philosophy in 1984 by George Orwell. I have become so obsessed with each of these three things that I have become so desperate for company that I have lose track of what it was that I was suppose to be desperate about. I really want to have lifelong friends, friends whom I can trust, even rely on. I live in a world full of obsessions, because to me - obsessions do not destroy - they create. Contrary to what most people think about, "obsessions."

    My hunger for power - where did that desire originate from? Simple - my admiration, even my adoration of Darth Sidious and the Party, from Star Wars and 1984 respectively. Lord Sidious`technique was basically a one-man manipulation and coercion game (because he knew what was really going on, even though he had his felllow servants, minions, and agents)...and the Party - the ultimate embodiment of pure, infinite, absolute power. Power without limits is a beautiful thing to me - even though many would consider that a marking of a psychopathic personality. The question to whether or not I actually care whether or not people think I am a psychopath or not is that I could care less. I gave up caring about, "public relations." I give up on my little facade, if there is such a thing - because there never was a facade. The truth of the matter is - when you break your best friend's heart to justify your own ruthless pursuit of, "happiness"at the expense of such a precious relationship, the inevitable result would be (for me) - total devastation, loss, and a greater sense of rejection of "socialization." It would undoubetly lead to isolation, exile, and a sense of inferiority, even hatred towards society and its crimes towards yourself.

    I do not bother to hide my hatred of my past. I do not bother to hide the fact that I am suffering. There is no point. As you can already see, my dear readers - I am an honest person. It was also because of this unconditioned honesty that people take advantage and take for granted me - Xinyu Hu. Forget about "x" factors. I am the biggest fucking "X" on the map of this strange world.

    I feel hollow inside. I am now a shell of the man I used to be. I once believed that the power of love could overcome the love of power...but it looks like I was dead wrong. I am almost hopeless because I am suffering daily. Every day, I suffer, and I am constantly reminded by my own spiritual corpse of the price I had to pay for someone else's, "happiness."

    I still want to feel love. I really do. Deep down, despite this image of hatred, isolation, and fear...there is still love - it is just heavily suppressed and oppressed. I hate my past. I can not deal with it alone. I have been trying in vain to make friends...but, what could I possibly do with myself? I feel abandoned. I am so lost. More lost than I ever been before. I have repeated the same stupid scenario for like 5 times now. Sooner or later it would have to end. I hate it. I hate having to live through my misery day in and day out.

    I am far more vulnerable than I imagine myself to be. Even as the Dark Lord...I am far from it. I a vulnerable, lonely, and hollowed human being. I am a man whose heart has been shattered by the one he loved. I am the man who lost everything, and who has lost so much more. I am the one who is humbled through his rage and desire for insatiable, imaginary power. I know that power does not really exist, but I need to deceive myself and others into thinking that such a thing as infinite, pure, and absolute power does exist.

    I am a man with so many secrets of darkness and mystery, that I have none. I am open to attack from every direction, and I defend myself in return by building up a huge defense mechanism like doublethink in response to being attacked or insulted. I could easily doublethink everything if I wanted to. Ironically, it doublethink itself that prevents me from doublethinking everything.

    I know too much. I suffer too much. I feel too much. I am...a fragile human being.

    Call this entire entry an act of doublethink if you wanted to. See if I care. Why should I care? Proceed at your own discretion.

     

    Power of Love, and Love of Power of Love

     

    Xinyu Hu

     

     

  • The Mysteries of 777

    I am so obsessed with 777...and the Tree of Life...or Qabalah...not that I practise any of it myself personally...but the mysteries just purely fascinate me...hands down.

    Anyhow, here is the information regarding my date of possible or most likely or definite conception:

    Your date of conception was on or about 7 July 1987 which was a Tuesday. -http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp

    July 7 is 77, and 1987 is 25, which is 2+5=7. Now, you get 777.

    The date of my birthdate for the Mayan Calendar is:

    The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.14.16.5 which is
    12 baktun 18 katun 14 tun 16 uinal 5 kin
       

    12 + 18 + 14 + 16 + 5 = 30 + 30 + 5 = 65 = 6 + 5 = 11. This eleven relates to the 9/11 synchronicity, and the fact that September was originally the 7th month of the year in the ancient Roman calendar system...the Julian Calendar system.

    July 7 is the 188th day of the year...and it falls on the 27th (or, 28th) week of the year. 27 being of course 3 cubing itself...which is 333.

    Anyhow...enough connections for today...what interesting syncs or relationships with numbers can you, the readers come up with in relation to your birthdate or your name? We are talking about numerology and astrology here...and...yes, the Tarot if you will. I am an open-minded and honest person, so...that is what I encourage.

     

     

     

  • A Treatise on Power

    Humans are a fragile species. We are born as individuals, alone, and solo in a world that does not fully recognize our potential as human beings. Our true powers are ignored, and our true potentials - neglected by a society that is more interested in material possessions than actualizing itself. In a world where wealth is more important than anything else, power - naturally follows. However, very few people actually understand the full sensation, lure, and lust of power.

    In George Orwell's 1984, we all saw how the Party managed to obtain, then maintain supreme power with an iron fist over its population and its own ranks. It is a world based on fear, hatred, anger, brutality, self-abasement, and terror. It is a world full of horrors, manipulations, and mass ignorance. Power is not a means - it is an end as O'Brien stated to Winston in his torture chamber where Winston Smith was reeducated into the doctrines of the Party. Power, according to O'Brien is a collective endeavor, and when one gives up one's individuality to the Party, one becomes, literally, immortal as one embraces the full philosophies and practises of the Party. On a collective oligarchic level, power is supreme, and it reigns as a storm of terror, anger, and fury. Power, by its own nature is corrupt. But, as corrupt as power is on an absolute level to a collective, so is power to the individual who vys for power, and who seeks it above all else.

    Power is like love - you can't ever get enough of it. It is seductive, it is secret, and it is subliminal, and even insidious, deceptive, and devoring of the individual soul. Today, however, as the Dark Lord - the Dark Lord, I would like to bring to light my philosophy of individual oligarchism. Individual Oligarchism, unlike Collective Oligarchism does not require a team or a group of people to follow some cult of personality or a cult of any kind. Individual Oligarchism is a means for the individual to embrace, love, and be a part of his inner darkness. That inner darkness is the lust of power, of control, of domination, and of superiority. In order to do this - we must, once again, adopt doublethink, as doublethink is as necessary on a collective level as it is on an individual level. Doublethink is the key of power over all life, over all minds - but, as individual oligarchism implies - it is power over oneself. Power over oneself, and the power acknowledge one's greed, ambitions, and also - weaknesses - simultaneously.

    Power must be pursued relentlessly and without remorse. The only difference is - we do not need to kill or torture anyone to get power. All we need to do, my fellow students and pupils, is to erase them or imagine them to be one of us, and twist and play around with their minds, Learn their tactics of argumentation. Trap them. Use their misconceptions against them. Use their biasness and prejudice against them. Use their naivete against therm. Use their folly against them. Use their strengths to discover and reveal their weaknesses. Use every psychological means to dispose of them, and to convert them to one of yourselves. To do so requires cunning, crafty, and - honesty. Power must be pursued honestly, even as we defy and deny every single law and policy we are practising or preaching. Power is not to be taken lightly. Power must be supported by wisdom of how to obtain, maintain, and secure more power. Power must have no limits, no boundaries, and no restraints. Yet, as individuals, we are restrained by many things - laws, rules, mores, and norms. It is normal for those who practise Individual Oligarchism to feel they do not belong, even in exile. It is normal. Take advantage, exploit, and plunder your rivals or enemies with their ignorance. Encourage them to remain ignorant of your true intentions. Do not hesitate to use doublethink or to use deceptive language to turn them to one of yourselves.

    This is realpolitik. This is real life. We must be real. We must be able to anticipate, manipulate, and forget that we have done the following. Those of you who are willing to become my pupils of power, and who seek to obtain power over the minds of individuals - I encourage the reading of psych manuals on the conduct of psychological operations, and to study psychology, philosophy, and politics. All relationships are political in nature - in their very essence as humans need to always make decisions, and there is always - always, the infinite struggles between power and prosperity.

    We must be ruthless, relentless, and reckless in our desire for power. Power is not just for groups - but it is also for individuals. Power is for everyone, and for no-one. Only those who are born to lead, to be wise, and to further make progression on the philosophy and essence and existence of power can become the Masters of Supreme Power.

    We must model ourselves after Darth Sidious, the Dark Lord of the Sith in Star Wars who managed to manipulate and conspire so successfully against the Jedi and the Old Republic that they barely noticed that he was a threat. One must be a mystery, and let the big boys fight it out amongst themselves. We must have secrets, yet, we must reveal our secrets in the open, where nobody looks. Hide ourselves in plain sight we must. Power is a pleasure that one must love. Power is like a whore. Power must be satisfied and satiated with more and more of itself. Power must not be psychopathic, but, rather - psychonic.

    The dark nature of power, obviously, pushes many away from it, and they do not understand, nor do they appreciate the forbidden beauty of power in its absolute sense. Pure power is lightning condensed into the soul of a human being who can endure the humiliation of his fellow man. Power is the ability to have barbaric discipline, while practising ordered oblivion. We must cherish freedom with fear. We must use fear to bring about our freedom. We will use that freedom responsibly, but the constant seduction of power - it must always be satisfied by psychological warfare, and constant reading, thinking, and meditation. Power is absolute, and all absolute power is unquestioned. Power may be corruptive, but for the individual - one must be learn to have a dicplined barbaric nature.

    Power is everything, and it is nothing. Power must be earned, and only the strong, the mighty, and the absolute may reign. The weak must follow, and the weak must remain ignorant. Power cannot be compromised. Power over another individual is supreme power. Even better - power over an entire species and an entire universe in insatiable. We must use everything our enemy throws at us - against them. That is real power. Power must be adaptive, and power must be fluid. Power is everything, and power is nothing.

    Finally, as humans - for so long as power exists besides the power of love; the love of power must always be there. It is our nature to want control over another. We must embrace our inner demons, and use it...to our advantage. Who cares what others may think? Power destroys, and power creates.

     

    Peace through Power

    Power through Prosperity

    Prosperity through Passion

     

    Xinyu Hu, Dark Lord of the Sith, One and Only.

     

     

  • Synchronicities: New Ones...

    Today is Wednesday, August 12, 2009 - (9), (8 + 1+ 2 = 11), and 2009 is obviously 11...and as of the publishing of this post...it would also be 10:55 - which is, undoubtedly 11. What does all these 11 syncs mean?

    Even weirder, today during work, someone ordered 10 Canadian Swiss cheese slices - and the total price? $9.11 CAD.

    Life is weird, as far as I am concerned, but seeing a 911 on a day that adds up to 11, and the third day of the week - and this day being the 224 day of the year...which is 8...which is kind of life August 8...in a very subliminal sense...

    What does 11:11, or 11 mean? What do you guys think of that 911 sync? Coincidence? Hidden messages? A transformation, or a transition of time and space?

     

    Xinyu Hu

     

    P.S. At 10:55 am/pm, the clock's hands all touch 11, hence - 11:11, or 33

    P.P.S. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law. Love is the law, love under will. - Aleister Crowley, 777, The Great Beast 666, and founder of Thelema, and 33rd Degree Freemason

     

     

  • Dark Lord Rising

    Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
    Through passion, I gain strength.
    Through strength, I gain power.
    Through power, I gain victory.
    Through victory, my chains are broken.
    The Force shall free me.
    —The Sith Code

    That is right Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a Sith Lord. I like being The Dark Lord. It sure as hell beats being the nice guys. After all, why should we stray away from the lure of power if everyone seeks power to some degree or another? Why should we be restrained by any morals? Why should we not accept and embrace our passions? Why not accept our full humanity?

    Is it really wrong to pursue power for power's sake?

     

     

     

  • The Storm of Life

    As I write this, a huge thunderstorm is occuring right where I live. It is no surprise, then, that I see my life as massive, colossal, and magnificent as this huge storm of a life time.

    The thunder, the lightning, the rain, and the roar of the heavens makes me...me. It is like a reflection of my anger...and my inner...despair...as there is no sanctuary for my torned up heart..and no home for my spirit...a place that I can feel, even belong. I am the lost...and I am angered by it. I have lost so much in so little a time...but, alas, I took my chances. What are you suppose to do when you are. "rejected?" Deny it. No. Accept it. Nature is angry, just like myself...the endless rumbles and screams of nature echoes throughout my soul. A thunderstorm describes my feelings best. That is why, I suspect it has been so devastating and so rainy these days. It is because nature is reflecting me...and my faults, and my turmoil...the fears and tears that I went through to be where I am today. It is a war in the heavens I tell you as the forces of good and evil collide. Like the thunderstorm that I am writing about...the rain hails hell...and it pours down my sorrows...and yet, it remembers it.

    I am a lost soul. I will, one day, find myself again...or, whatever is left of it. There is still hope. Although hope, by all comparison is kind of futile and fruitless. I am just screwing around with myself. I can't even read my own emotions properly, let alone someone elses. It is time I take back my life from those who destroyed it...because, my life was already destroyed. Now, there needs to be rebirth...and a reincarnation...perhaps...a new rising...of the Sun?

    Energy...the vortex that is created by this huge storm is undeniable. It is my anger, fear, and sorrow that fills up the power for these storms to be olympic...dangerous, and lethal. I have never...all my life witnessed such a massive storm of such a proportion. It is like God is trying to tell me something through the rumbles, the roars, and the screams of Nature...it is like...the world is about to end because God is angry...he is in Wrath. This is God's revenge on me...and on us...humans for being so stupid as to underestimate the glory and majesty of Nature...because we are all fractals...a part of this grand storm...this masterpiece of terror and fear...but at the same time - glory, might, and beauty...a hidden, dark, mysterious beauty...that is also...me.

    I am...a dead man. I have been dead for so long. It is time I woke up...or at least...start taking back my body from those who seek to ruin it. This is the message that I am getting from mother Nature...at least...at this moment.

    I need to be freed from this rugged old body...to be illuminated again...to be actually free. I need to do this first by buying more natural foods...and less meat. Meat brings down the energy vibrations of human beings...a very negative energy if not controlled. I need more...natural fruits and vegetables...without all that packaging shit. I need to be connected with nature...and all its glory. I need to start vibrating positive energy...because the truth will make you miserable...but better to know it than to be enslaved by lies, deceptions, and frauds.

    This is a mission at the crossroads. All my life...I have been trying to find the solution, when the solution to my problems may be easier than I expected: Nature itself.

     

    Love, the Sacred and the Profane

     

    Xinyu Hu

     

     

  • Just another illusion...

    It is hopeless...for now. I have not had much success or any success at all. But, eh, life is life. Being rejected is and should be the least of my worries...right now. I think. Whatever, it was infatuation. That is all. Infatuation. Failed, but, at least we confirmed the worst, and now...just move on, and get out fast.

    Rejection is a normal part of life. There is nothing anyone can do about it, but to understand it. It is alright. Nothing gained, and nothing lost. Besides, it is not like there is much we can do about it...yet.

    D.h.t - Listen to your heart

    I know there's something in the wake of your smile
    I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
    you've built a love but that love falls apart
    your little piece of heaven turns too dark

    listen to your heart
    when he's calling for you
    listen to your heart
    there's nothing else you can do
    I don't know where you're going
    and I don't know why
    but listen to your heart
    before you tell him goodbye

    sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
    the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
    they're swept away and nothing is what is seems
    the feeling of belonging to your dreams

    listen to your heart
    when he's calling for you
    listen to your heart
    there's nothing else you can do
    I don't know where you're going
    and I don't know why
    but listen to your heart
    before you tell him goodbye

    and there are voices
    that want to be heard
    so much to mention
    but you can't find the words
    the scent of magic
    the beauty that's been
    when love was wilder than the wind

    listen to your heart
    when he's calling for you
    listen to your heart
    there's nothing else you can do
    I don't know where you're going
    and I don't know why
    but listen to your heart
    before you tell him goodbye

    Listen to your heart....mm..mmm

    I don't know where you're going
    and I don't know why
    but listen to your heart
    before you tell him goodbye

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    That is right. I am powerless. I am so - weak, and feable compared to fate. What am I to do but to stoically accept my latest demise?

    Of course, this requires a massive change in strategy. I should just ignore her for good now. Instead, it would be better to do things...in a new way. Instead, to just wait it out. Abide my time, and be patient. Prudence. Secrecy.

    That is our design.

  • Rejection: Why YOU MUST FACE IT

    Rejection. My favourite topic. NOT. Anyways, after being hated on, or rejected by my past friends...I have slowly...gradually, come to terms with being rejected. It is not as bad as it looks. Sure, it is bad, but eh? What can you do? This is life. Life is not fair, deal with it boys and girls. I have had that experience almost all of my life, and so, naturally, I know what it is like.

    After being kicked out of your ex's life, who was also your best friend...this is as worse as worse can get. It cannot possibly get any worse than this, and to suggest that it might get worse is a lie. I have prepared myself well for my impending doom with my former best friend through Cadet discpline, and perservering patience, and also - I had the experience many times in my past.

    As humans, being rejected is simply a normal part of life. Nothing special. Although in one or more particular instances, we tend to make a big deal out of it. I am coming to terms with this fact. I am helpless in this fact, because there is nothing I can do about it, no matter how much I would like to. In fact, I accept rejection, and am not afraid of it. There is nothing to lose for me, at least, because I have lost all that I possibly could have lost. Now, since I have nothing to lose, there is everything to gain...although, we must also not be too wishful about this situation. It is necessary that we be patient, as always, and persevere.

    It is no good to engage in too much wishful thinking either. It is instead - absolutely essential that I deal with rejection in a more moderate manner - maturity. That way, I do not come out as a fucking idiot. It is not worth either the risks nor the rewards to act like an ass. It is crucial that I be stoic and humble about all this.

    Love can blind us, but reason can open our eyes to the reality of the world. Both need to work together in order to achieve whatever common objectives both are concerned about. Emotions and Reasons must work together to bring about tolerance, even humility in the face of rejection, or denial. We must not be afraid. We must be courageous, brave, and bold.

    Love is what we all want as humans. Where we disagree is how we approach it. My answer is pragmatic prudence and subtle secrecy.

     

    Love, Secrets and Honors

     

    Xinyu Hu