August 19, 2009
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Why I am Defiant
I am a defiant, rebellious, and agitated personality. I am defiant, because, I feel I do not belong anywhere. I feel I am restrained by morals, by rules (no matter how reasonable), and by the rest of humanity. I believe in infinite, in absolute, in pure – power. I believe that I am born to seek power. I do not believe that rules are important, even if they are in a fictional universe. To me, what is finite is an obstacle, and a thorn on my side that I must overcome to achieve my objectives (no matter how objectionable). I believe that I am born to be great, and as such, should have unlimited powers, resources, and admiration.
Yet, I have none of those things in real life. They are simply a daydream. Still, I deny it. I want to have power. I want to believe that all the power in the universe is mine, and that I am some kind of deity or god. I know that what I say on here is so corrupt and devoid of humanity – but I am hungry for power, perhaps – deep down, for some affection, for some love, even some care.
I have none of those. So, what do I do with everything I have left? Simple, I squander in the lust for pure, infinite, absolute power.
Even in an RPG forum, I am agitated by its rules. I believe that the “finite” doctrine is not important, and so, I defy it. I challenge it. I believe that I can build a machine that will overcome the finite doctrine, and do whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want it, and become God. I hate bureacracy, and so, I challenge it by frustrating it. I agitate other people because I am myself agitated, annoyed, and aggravated by my own life. I have become so corrupted by power and the lure of it lately that I am even more lost, more frustrated, and more angered.
I have no respect for petty bot-nations because I do not see them as nations with real people. What real people? They are simply expendable in my view. I believe that I can do whatever I want, because nobody has really effectively stopped me – although they stalled me, but they have not stopped me by purging me from existence. So, I hunger for ultimate power, control, and domination for its own sake because it is the last thing I have left after losing so much in this real world. I disregard the powers of and Admin, because I challenge it by the letter. I rival the Admin in authority because, even as I am powerless, I feverishly seek power for its own sake. I have become so selfish because I have nothing left. I am only a ghost of what I used to be. The power I feel is just a shadow of what it once was. I have become a spirit devoid of life and purpose. So, I seek power by defiance, by being disrespectful to some pathetic bot-nations, and continually seeking power by deception, by conspiracy, and by elaborate illusions.
I am so corrupt. I am aware and unaware of this fact. I know it, as much as I am ignorant of it. I love and hate power for its own sake, and I choose to love and hate it in the name of power itself. Ironic, but not so for me.
