Thoreau wrote in Walden “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.“  Sadly, this is true.  Most people are deeply lonely and frustrated and often can only escape their frustrations for a short while through distracting themselves with drugs, alcohol, busyness, or whatever.  I feel loneliest when I am with other people, but feel unable to actually connect with them.  It just seems so frustrating, you’re so close, yet still so far apart.  I don’t want you to conclude that I think life is hopeless and meaningless, and real relationships are impossible.  I don’t think that.  But I also don’t think that these problems are all in our head and will just disappear if we don’t think about them.  Life is meaningful, and that’s what makes it so frustrating when we cannot connect.  We should be able to share since there are things worth sharing.  The problem is with us people — for any number of reasons we just do not connect the way we should.  Sometimes we need to just relax and take a breather.  After all, no one really wants to talk to someone who seems depressed and unhappy.  Next look around carefully.  There are people out there who are really lonely and would be really glad if you started talking to them.  Sometimes it is hard to figure out shared interests, but it is usually necessary since no single friend is likely to ever share all of the same interests.

You have a number of really great qualities: you’re honest enough to admit that your life isn’t what you want it to be, and you’re willing to admit that you yourself need to make some changes, and you’re taking efforts to improve yourself.

Most people put their heads in the sand, blame everyone else for everything, and just give up.  So you’re ahead of them ’cause they aren’t gonna magically solve problems that they won’t admit exist, won’t figure out what they could do to fix, and won’t actually take any steps to fix.  Be patient.  You won’t see instant results.  But I think you’re headed in the right direction.