I write this in the past of July 2nd in the even that I may not ever live to see this day...

So, to Lady - happy 19th birthday Lady, my Babe Girl! I love you always and for ever...no matter what...

As of this numerologically significant Day of 888 - It means Triple the Fortune/Prosperity...this is one of the many precepts of the Chinese cultural belief that Longevity, Prosperity, Happiness, and Luck, and Harmony form the main principal goals of the Chinese culture...

In fact in China there is a lot of respect for authority, heirarchy, and tradions of the conservative nature...

As of the Olympics - I must say that Good Luck to my Mother Country...although I am just as unpatriotic as I am to China as I am to Canada - so, meh.

Anyhow - if I am here on this day then thank God he let me live for years to come...I will live and survive through the best of times and the worst of times...no matter what.

Love and Good Luck - Happy Birthday (save the best for last!!!)

Xinyu Hu

Apparently - nothing really intriguing has been going on in my life lately other than special hangouts with my best friend and as everyone knows - the ususal shit. My life is bullshit I tell you all. It is annoying, and I am not a big fan of my current lifetstyle...however, I am interested in Tarot, Runes, Astrology, Numerology, the Occult, Symbols, Pendants, and Psychic Powers...which - by the way - sounds pretty lame to most people - but not for me. I want to study being psychic and make the time to actually practise or at least familiarize myself with the techniques involved and their significance...it is a whole new psychological adventure of mind, spirit, and body that I am delving into...

And so - life goes on for me, and I havent't died - yet, thank God for that...and I've been feeling slightly better and less depressed but now that my mom is going off on vacation to Washington (State or City, or District?) for vacation, I am going to be a bit more lonelier at home...not that hanging out with my dad is bad thing...it is just crap now. My mom at least knows how to entertain me...that much I miss at least...I think I love my mom very much it is just that I hardly ever get to tell her that (because I get nervous of that fact or at least don't know how to approch it)....

And so - the amount of bullshit accumulates in my life these days...and thank God I don't hear the news very much or take it very seriously...or even bother reading it...it is just that; bullshit. It is a whole bunch of invented crap that I don't want to get myself into and let my emotions go down even more...so, I live in perpertual ignorance of the news and what is going on in Iraq or Iran, or the United States because it doesn't concern me much anymore...not that conspiracies and bullshit doesn't matter to me - I just could care less now and I have more immediate concerns to deal with...such as school, my fascination with my current obsessions, a load of DVDs, books, and other toys that I like (i.e Lego Star Wars)...

I am really into movies these days and I also want to see more movies and get them on DVD...I am so becoming a movie buff...at least for the moves I like or find fascinating and brilliant...illuminating, and full of occult symbolism, whether overtones or undertones...and what is it with Nicolas Cage starring in movies such as Wild at Heart, Lord of War, National Treasure, National Treasure 2, The Wicker Man, and always - always as the go-to guy, the Masonic-treasure hunting guy in search of lost treasures? Further - another character - Matt Damon - why is he always used as the treasure seeker in The Bourne series, and a Skull & Bones initiate in the movie The Good Shepherd, as well as a treasure hunter in the Oceans franchise? A lot of fascinating questions - and a lot of amazing answers too - they're our treasure-hunting archetypes...used by Hollywood to bring about whatever desire they want to induce in our subconscious or unsconsious minds...in preparation for whatever it is that is to come...

Anyhow, right now, I am really bored and having an artist-black...I am designing the birthday card for Anthia, and as such it is a difficult task...it is a huge ass duty of mine but I got to get it done. It is an absolute necessity that I get it done before the end of this week end...because next week I won't have time...ah, time is running out...and I need a darn translation of simple words...Prosperity, Longevity, and Happiness...

Earlier today I went shopping for Lady's b-day gifts...too bad I only found two of the three gifts so instead I am going to find something to compensate for it...the only thing I can think of thus far is a another beauitful b-day card along with something else...which even I don't know what it is...

Now - finally to the best part of the hangout with Anthia...the invention of a new kind of superhero to combat the forces of evil and malicious bullshit that covers the planet: BULLSHIT Man...now, this is not your typical hero...he talks about BULLSHIT - especially the bullshit that he hears other people shitting around - and occassionally he bullshits himself and talks about his own brand of bullshit...hence this technique - which is more psychological and subliminal, indirect, and subconscious could literally cause mental havoc for any of his potential foes - even his worst archenemies and arch-nemesis...which I currently can not think of any...hence this weapon is a major double-edged sword - he loses just as much as he wins...meaning that he can even annoy the hell out of himself - but at the same time be able to psychologically immobilize his enemies with bullshit, annoyance, criticism, and self-gratification, ego-destruction, and a lot of foolish talk about how things are and how things operate. Hence, this superhero has no need to be physically strong becauase his psychological strength in stalling enemy actions means that all the time it is virtually impossible to even attack him because his words are truth, and since they are really bothersome it only adds fuel to the fire of bickering and bullshit...hence - Bullshit Man...

Now, enough of the shit about Bullshit Man and how he works before I start bullshitting my readers...

I really miss you Anthia, Lady of Flowers, The Flower of Life, and The Rose of Life...

Xinyu Hu

The most desirable quality in a friend is honesty and trustworthiness...and of course - honesty and the will to be assertive, caring, and do give a fuck about you in the first place...and definitely reciprocity...that way the relationship evens out and everyone is happy....

   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

My past month has been bullshit. Nothing new has really happened...just feeling greatly depressed and in pain internally...I am such a fucking loner...this is sooo bad...

I've been working hard for the past month though as I always had been...and doing the usual stuff which is of little significance to most people...and just trying to hang out with my one and only friend...and struggling to be less stubborn (or perhaps arrogant?) about this whole friendship issue that is plaguing me right now...it is miserable and is utter misery these days...sure life without school is fun - but when it goes on for ever, it ceases to be of any meaning, of any value, and all you could partially think of is of dying and getting as far away from this miserable, depressing, oppressive lifestyle that I have imposed and created for myself...it is boring, it is pathetic, and I hate it - yet, a major part of me is so used to it - it can't go on living without it...but I can't live with it...and I know it...it is a fucking struggle of souls - of fates and of destinies...of which way would I go...

So, nowadays, I feel insecure and isolated away from most of humanity - trying to find the answers as to why my life is so miserable and depressing - it is a fucking whorehouse this is! It is foolish of me to continue living this meaningless, repetitious, down-to-hell lifestyle...but how could I possibly create any excitement in my life? Even my best friend's lifestyle is a billion, an infinite time better and blessed than mine - and look at me!??? I am a fucking loner that is why nobody likes me for who I am...because, because...I can't or haven't brought myself out of the shadows of loneliness and despair...I still haven't recovered from the darkness that haunts my soul due to the event of a few months ago...it is fucking tragedy! This is unfair! Why me? WHY ME?

I confess that I really should have died by now, but I am still alive...just because I know there is something - someone to live for, and a purpose, a goal to achieve...but the lifestyle I live itself is in jeopardy and is no longer working for me...even though I damn well repeat it every day of every week of every month for the past few months...yet during the past few months only a few good things has ever happened - for example I went to see a movie by myself (yeah, I know - how much lonelier could I get?), strawberry picking with my parents...and buyng some DVD's for myself...and the occasional hangout with my bestest of friends...and - so, now what? What the fuck am I suppose to do? I hate clubs, fraternal organizations, and big meet-ups of people whom I don't even know (except for a few special occasions)...I am so fucking antisocial...I feel fucking stuck and lost in a world without a map or any sense of direction...or to be more precise - Lost in Space-Time...

I am screwed - and I got to do something about it before this depressing consumes me much longer...but I also have to let it serve its purpose...a paradox? A dilemma? A whole bunch of bullshit I put together to entertain myself or my readers? Or am I just kidding myself? What the fuck is going on?

My soul is being torn and broken asunder...it is spilling its own blood and suffering unto the world...it is agonizing...it is searing and chaotic...it is - oblivion, and order - will emerge.

I admit - THIS IS ALL MY FAULT. It is my fault that I never really took care of my own reality...and I screwed it up on a personal level...a level that is dangerous for my heart, mind and soul...stop this Storm!

Yours, Love & Despair

Xinyu Hu - Lord X

I've just finished viewing The Number 23 starring Jim Carrey (a very interesting actor if one noticed his most common role as the Green Man [i.e - the Grinch, the Riddler from Batman Forever, a manifestation of God in Bruce Almighty, and his rather startling role as both author and character in The Number 23 - both Angel & Demon])...

Over all, it was a stunning and pulse-pounding film...full of numerological occurrences everywhere all at once...including references to historical events and their linkage to that number - 23...alas - there is also real facts regarding 23 - such as the Earth's tilt on its axis...23.5 degrees...the Tropics, the human genome and genetics, our DNA, our blood flow, intellectual cycles...everything and everywhere there is some kind of 23...

Now - to my LIFE...

The number 3 is pretty much repeated over and over again in my life for numerous reasons and causes many of which I am not aware of are know of...but I do know that the number 3 is of major significance to my life...even my best friend's favorite number is 3 and usually me and my friends adds up to three whenever we do hang out except for the occasional one-on-one hangouts which I personally prefer more...

Then - that darn number - 13. Thirteen seems to be pretty common in my life as well - since I personally consider to be of major numerological significance...after all I did stay at Guelph for 13 days and I was suppose to be in my 13th year of education (public) before I rebeled and got myself in my current situation of a sorts...which is no coincidence...and yet at the same time the 119/911 phenomenon were also present...aka, 1111 or 2K phenomenon...I love the number 13 - it is no curse to me...but I suppose that is a matter of beliefs and values...

Finally - the number 33 - I see it everywhere I go these days...like just today I saw a car plate number with 333 instead of the normal 33 - hence more numerological significance and meaning...hence also more power to the number and its potential magic...I am not delusional when I say that I believe I personally am already initiated into the 33rd Degree of Initiation within - well, the Occult? The Secret Teachings of all Ages? Perhaps at worst - Freemasonry? Or perhaps of God's Collective Consciousness? Whatever it is - I am surely an initiate of the 33rd Degree no matter what...

Today for some reason my Tarot Card for the day is The Tower...which is reminiscent of the Twin Towers, the Two Towers from The Lord of the Rings, and of Revelation - Change, Awakening...a time of sudden changes and of evolution and revolution...whatever it means I will leave you all to guess because I honestly find it too interesting to just give it away...but I did give away enough hints for everyone to figure out what my Tarot Card means...

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And just as miscellany and of major intrigue and gripping fascination on my part - what is with these 333s and 888s appearing everywhere I go these days? Anybody got an idea or a clue of what is really going on these days? I know they add up to 1221 - which is 12 + 21 = 33...hence any more revelations?

Yours, Love & Mystery

Xinyu Hu

I may not be alive on this day but in case anyone does read this - today is the day that great changes happen and the end of an Age...

I wonder what will happen on this fateful day...many things will happen between the day that I wrote this; June 29th, 2008...

I hear that on July 7, 2008 Saturn might blow up when the Cassini satellite crashes into the Hexagon formation at Saturn`s north pole...which is an interdimensional portal...which is going to form into a second sun...which is really going to screw up Earth`s atmosphere...the only question is whether or not we`ll all be able to live through it...

So whatever happens - keep me alive. Please God. I am not so worried about Saturn blowing up - what I am concerned is the lives of those around me and how the entire planet will be affected. However I am keeping an optimistic outlook - NOTHING WILL HAPPEN today and even if it does it will be the ususal bullshit we all go through daily...nothing terrible will happen. Project Lucifer (The Second Sun) will not be a success and it will fail.

We will all live through to see another day after this fateful day is over. I promise us all.

But - just in case things do turn out for the worst - remember me - in whatever way you can.

I love you all always and for ever...no exception and unconditionally from the bottom of my heart...

Xinyu Hu

Just today I've seen my first 11:11 time-gate, "by accident," just while turning on my cell - in fact it occurred as soon as I saw the time on the clock...very fascinating phenomenon...

I know for sure though that this omen is a good one - viz a viz - a mysterious one that many of us are not yet fullng understanding but many of us experience it through just looking at the clock...

It looks like there is a shift in my own personal consciousness - that I am shifting and evolving in consciousness and that my present suffering/situation/context was meant to be and that I will overcome it and I shall overcome it with all my strength of heart, mind, and soul...wow, that is deep...but it does give me inspiration and motivation to progress positively spiritually and to continue my process of caterpillar to a butterfly - Evolution. True Freedom at last...

This is the door way - the window to 2012 - the Zero Point of our lives and the life of the Universe - and all of creation...so I think I am going on the right path...it is just spiritually I've been feeling a lot low lately because I am just so depressed and miserable in my current situation of life...I've nearly lost everything but love shall and will prevail and win as it once had...and I trust that love will find a way - it always has, and always will...

This is the time for evolution - away from negativity - but instead of just positives - harmony and balance between the good and the evil, the right and the wrong, the absolute and the relative, the material and the spiritual, mind and matter...life and death...this is spiritual evolution at its moment of fruition and fulfilment...We shall all evolve into light beings...the beings that we are all meant to be...

And a bit off topic - I've also seen the number 333 today - in fact I see 33s so many times it is not even funny anymore...it is like the moment I think about them they appear...not by accident - never by accident. There are no accidents in life - there is reason and causuality - not just a coincidence...

This is a time of initiation, mystery, darkness, transformation, transmutation, and evolution in its deepest levels...through the darkness and into the light of Life itself...

Love, Life, Liberty, Learning, Light

Xinyu Hu

MMXII - Earth, Air, Fire, Water, Avatar/Spirit

My life is screwed. I have no idea what career I want to go into when I grow up - why? Because I am fascinated by too many things. I am everywhere yet nowhere at the same time...today my dad just lectured to me about the importance of finding a real career...I just sat there until finally I shouted back at him that I am not interested in his stupid lecture because I haven't made up my mind yet. No matter how long it took for me to get to where I am now - I still have no real, stable, obtainable career goal. I am just objective-less. I have no real mission in life save to save humanity from the greatest conspiracy - the New World Order but there is no job labeled, 'saving the world." That is, " fantasy," as many people would say - and that the reason why I, "fell," for, "conspiracy theorist," is because, "[you] are dumb and stupid and those people want to warp and manipulate your mind and get rich..." Well, that certainly isn't true. I am a rebel - pretty much fulltime all the time, and I am not going to change that any time soon. I have no need to consult any doctor of any sorts whatsoever because they're all bullshit therefore useless (99.9999% of them to be more precise)...

Now, returning to my career-less life objective - either I have no intention of having a comfortable career like journalism, engineering, librarian, accountant, soldier, or whatever there is out there - or I am just way too high in the clouds to be down-to-earth...or I am just too fucking lazy, tired, angered, frustrated, depressed, saddened, and ticked off to be worrying about a future career...because I honestly DO NOT KNOW what career I want to get into because the only job I can imagine myself dong is saving the world from the dangers from within...(again, I am off topic; but oh well)...

I hate it when my parents argue with me over how it is,"bad for [your] mind" to study symbols and such things...and that it is all a trap and that I am, "addicted," to it...it just makes me more pissed off and more angered that they say such a thing without ever seeing the evidence for themselves or even bother to think about what I say - so, instead I gave up and just retaliate once they told me enough I have had enough of the bullshit that they keep throwing at my face...it is like my parents love me for all the wrong reasons...they just want to be obedient to authority something I am not very good at (although work did teach me that tolerating Authority does have its pros and cons)...it still doesn't stop me from wanting to Fuck Big Brother...

The bonds between me and my parents are ever so weakening - it is as if my parents don't really understand the point of view that I am coming from...and sometimes I wonder why am I born to such intolerant parents of children who enjoy questioning and fucking authority...? Well - that is all because of culture I suppose...I've literally lived in both the East and the West so how the fuck am I suppose to make up my mind when it comes to the most important decision of my life:  A FUCKING CAREER. I want to take care of people but at the same time there is my own personal interests at heart - I want to be self-serving and selfless at the same time and it is difficult to find and actually live up to such high expectations I have for myself without being accused of being a hypocrite or a grey matter or a lunatic, or a, "crazy conspiracy theorist"...it is like I am living in a fucking zoo...everyone else knows where they want to be in ten, twenty or thirty years from now - but NOT ME...no me...I just say, "fuck it - I'll improvise..." and where has my improvisation taken me? NO WHERE...perhaps I am insane as many people would say and believe - but the thing is - I love and cherish my insanity because the hell with it - it is crazy beyond cool...in a good way...

I confess I am a fucked up person with lots of rebellious and revolutionary thoughts and ideals...which explains why many people don't like me...so instead I keep most of my work relations at acquittance level so that they may gradually understand or wish to hear about what I have to say...about my ambitions, goals, and thoughts and perspectives regarding this fucked up Earth we are living on....

I am a hard and dedicated, committed man and I remain steadfast on many of my perspectives and opinions no matter how, "radical," or, "extreme," they may seem...fuck it we are all hypocrites already! Just fucking live with it - as long as we don't bomb each other because of each other's hypocrisy I say - be hypocrites for as long as you are, "sane"...there is nothing wrong with that...

Happy Canada Day and to Canada: I say fuck Patriotism and Faith unto my country. I wasn't even born here so whatever...and the things that I can thank you for are; friends, rather fucked up freedoms, fucked up safety (no right to bear arms something I am still against), and the experience...of life itself from the past to the present to the providence to come...thanks Canada!

Love, Xinyu Hu

I am so fucking bored these days...there is like absolutely nothing to do today at all...all I ever really did was downloading stupid videos off Youtube and trying to be active...

I am so lonely these days I wonder what the fuck I am doing still alive?

Gosh - I am so depressed and lonely as ever...it is like I don't even have anyone to talk to these days other than Anthia...god, I need more friends or at least compatriots...

I need something serious to do these days or else I'll go back to school to only cause more trouble and get kicked out again and again having to do low jobs such as cook at KFC cooking shit for people (and myself)...god? Why the hell do we even want to eat any of that nonsensen anymore? What is it with fast food and people? What is it with me working at a fast food restaurant? Why am I even testing my own sanity at this moment of my life? God - something is terribly wrong with me today...I am so sulky, depressed, and bored to death...

In case anyone is wondering whether or not I still have free TV - that is a nada. Rogers removed the cable so I am just now waiting for some idiot technician/electrician to plug our cable back in just so I can have at least Basic Cable...come on Rogers hire an idiot!

I miss you a lot Lady and I tried calling you but nobody was home...so instead I emailed you...

Love & Light to those who gives a shit about me (or this world for that matter)

Xinyu Hu

I've noticed that it takes a whole lot of popularity to get recognized by Xanga, and that those of us who are the average Xanga user or a little above it are hardly very well recognized by the mainstream of Xanga...I mean - I have been trying to get a featured article for months and still - no success. Yeah, I know - commenting on other people's sites is one way of getting more recognition or at least awareness from other Xangans - but the thing is there is a few of us who are not very popular with some pretty intriguing ideas out there that perhaps the mainstream Elite of Xanga would appreciate to know...like couldn't Xanga have an area dedicated to those of us who are NOT so popular but with interesting, fascinating ideas. Perhaps it does sound cheap compared to the efforts or lack of effort it takes for so many people to get a Featured Weblog...but I think those of us who are not so popular deserve to have our voice to be heard - that is - by encouraging the Xanga Team to create a section for The Not So Featured Weblogs...that way - everyone could be more happier and for those who are concerned for weird, strange topics of discussion - they can at least find those with similar interests...

And by the way - how the heck did TheTheologiansCafe of all people manage to get such an audience of thousands of Xangans? Did he have some kind of high connections within Xanga? Popular because he was born that way? I don't know but by the length of his articles I have to wonder how the heck did he do it? Commenting? Come on? Against the Xanga Elite? Give me a break I can't believe one can be an Elite without trying or at least connections?

I know that I am not a very popular person and neither are my ideas but if there is a medium by which those ideas can be expressed to an open, willing public then I am sure there will be many who will be interested - even if they are a minority of a minority...

After all, isn't Xanga for sharing ideas and the alike? Opinions and intellectual wisdom?

Yours, in critique of the Xanga Elite

Xinyu Hu