Yipppee! I have finally reached one of my many objectives with this whole Xanga thing - Xanga for Life! That 100 bucks was well worth it!

I am already exploring many of the new features of Xanga for Life...no ads is definitely cool. I hate ads myself and so now without them it is so much easier to move around and not be distracted by silly ads that are irrelevant to the actual article...not unless I decide there should be ads!

Anyhow this is so cool! Love you Xanga!

Voting was never much of a big deal for me - although I once did participate in a political party just for volunteering in the local regional vote for Members of Parliament in my area of Canada. Aside from volunteering at the local Conservative Party for a few weeks and never getting my volunteering hours - well, since then I have been a cynic and a dissident of politics and political party bickering - internal and external.

Today - though as I peruse through Xanga's celebrity status contents I am not so surprised to see there is the hype over Barack Obama-or-John McCain - which, is, in my personal view - a very black-and-white voting choice (mind the pun)...

Over the years in my studies of politics, psychology, and philosophy I've realized that it does not make any difference whatsoever whether or not you vote for this or that Prime Minister or this or that Presidential Candidate - it is the same thing over and over again - and just to quote George Carlin - my hero and legend - it is a whole bunch of, "bullshit" that adds up to little to nothing...while somethings change for the better the same situation remains...TWO PARTIES - a very limited perspective on political choice that is.

So - for those of you who read TheTheologiansCafe (link) and his idea that somehow voting for Barack Obama would change the state of the United States and the world and make things better - I say - you guys are delusional. Do you think that by going to the ballot box (more like computers now since that is what the United States has slowly shifted to over the years) - ELECTIONS ARE RIG-ABLE. Entire elections could be rigged by e-voting - there is no need for public accountability because there is no way to count the votes unless one has the security codes to print out the ballots and count them by hand. And guess who has access to the computers? Those who created the whole scam of e-voting...! The Republicrats and Demolicans! But even then - it matters little because politicians are at the top of the elite - not the apex of the pyramid but very close to it - but still not beyond, "a measure of control" controls everything - the Elite of the Elite controls the politicians. Almost all politicians are part of the same game in the same ball park - DIVIDE & CONQUER - after all who the hell made up the idea that there is only Republican & Democrats? Red & Blue? Black & White? What about that little grey area in life that very few us seldom go to in the political, psychological, and philosophical spheres of influence?

For those who think that it would make a big difference to vote for either Republican or Democrat, Obama or McCain - I can't help but see that the truth has been pulled over your eyes - what could possibly make anyone think that these two parties are going to make any difference to the reality of the situation that America and the world is in? When was the last time you all all-time gang-bang voters of the Republican gang or the Democratic mafia noticed any change in foreign or domestic policy that actually made a difference in reality?

Now - about TheTheologiansCafe's view on voting for Bush and Clinton - they're the same forces! Why they even hung out together at Bohemian Grove a couple years back! And what about Clinton mentioning Rising Suns, Setting Suns, and Points of Light? How about the "Towards a New World Order" speech from George H. W. Bush anyone on September 11, 1990? "...it is not just one small country - it is a great idea - a New World Order...based on  the rule-of-law not the rule of the jungle...the universal aspiration for mankind." What is it with these guys and symbolic language? What is it about Red Reps and Blue Dems? What is it with these colors that they use all the time? What is it with their weird hand signals that they flash at each other openly in public?

There is NO political Free Choice in America today - they're all one and the same - it is all about shuffling around to give Americans the illusion of freedom - and what is this whole nonsense about having a, "good feeling about [fill in the blank]?" Why does it even matter now? They're  the same gang/mafia/triad clan that is divided into two camps to give the people of America who are mostly willfully ignorant sheep of the herd that somehow these two gangs are at war with each other - the reality is - this is just a shadow projection of the MIND. There are no two-parties - there is no party whatsoever. You have no choice because political choice is an illusion.

Hope you all loved this rather cynical, critical, and challenging Xanga entry to TheTheologiansCafe's concept that voting matters. No matter - they're the same thugs!

Xinyu Hu

This morning when I woke up I heard my favourite comedian has died...uuuh - another to an already-expanding lists of reasons why my life is so down these days...he is such a great man - a man not frightened to stand up against the System and is not frightened to express his opinions no matter how absurd the majority of the world thinks he is...he is my hero and now he is gone...dead that is.

Well that means I'll just have to get all his stuff on DVD or something whenever I can make the time to get to it - probably have to either order it on Amaon or go to the States directly to find them all for myself...

A great legend has died - he is my inspiration and hope - one of my many heroes - a great role model to heretics and enemies of the state like myself...

This is so depressing...now I got to find a way to get all this stuff and remember him...

Wherever you are George Carlin - you'll always be with me in spirit...

And I will remember you for who you are and all your great jokes and comic routines...

After all - we are here for the show!

Yours, love

Xinyu Hu

I am so tired these days - and also really depressed - saddened by all the bullshit that life throws at me...but today - I found tv-links.cc - this really awesome site that resembles tv-links.co.uk - free TV streaming!

I am so proud of my find - after all - I did use Wikipedia as my source of information and finding out everything I can about the world and of course the use of my intuition and determination to get information...nobody could really stop my desire for knowledge these days - I am literally formidable in that area of life...oh, whatever - I am sounding really cocky right now but you know - it is rather hard for me to think up of anything to write about so I write anything that comes to mind...forget my image (because you don't know what I don't look like - crtics and reviewers from some other distant place on ths planet)...so I get to say whatever the hell I want...because I can...

Uhhhh - never mind - I am bored. I am so pissed off at week ends because I have to wait for ever to hang out with my best friend and I am running out of patience so I just do whatever I can to pass the time...even if I am just sitting here and not doing much...which really sucks...

I need to find better things to do - like seriously. Other than work, math, and hanging around the hosue - I am like bored to death...so bored right now in fact I can't even think properly...instead only feeling down and pissed off at the fact that I am bored and also at the fact that I am pissed off even more by it...right now my stupid life situation ain't pretty and it doesn't look very good either...instead it resembles something out of Romeo & Juliet, or if you disagree - then Macbeth...but either way - this is such a tragedy...I HAVE NOTHING TO DO...and whatever I do - do - I am bored of it - referring to my daily life at home of course minus my friendships and relationships which are few and far between...I really could do with more friends I suppose so instead I have to wait till school begins to do anything about it...

And of my relationships? Well - it is in the ditch because of me - I think. God! People frustrate me so much these days! It is like nobody tells me anything when I need to know and instead tells me last minute only to make me feel more depressed and sulky - isolated and lonely in a perpertual, unpleasant solitude...I've spent enough time alone on this planet already!

Fuck - what the fuck?

While I am interested in conspiracies and the alike - I need something more - something exciting to happen in my life because right now it ain't exciting and it sure is not all that challenging although I do have a few major hurdles to overcome but still - they're personal not INTERpersonal...

I am so lost without you...what the fuck do I have to do? Cry???

I love you still very much Lady but I am suffering inside - suffering very much so much that it would take a million or a billion or a trillion superstorms to express my pain and internal suffering...loneliness, depression, and anger...

What the hell is happening to me? To us? To everyone? To this world? I feel so hopeless but I am determined no matter how plagued and infested I am with rage and anger - of a silent kind...

I am a Homeless Heart. Take me home - please - to where I belong...because I love you still - always and for ever...

Yours, in anger, depression, sadness and tragic emotions...

Xinyu Hu

<333

I've just added my blog to Blogged.com - the site that publishes those who submit their blog to the site to the world. I am basically in a way advertising my site - it is in the interest of making this blog more notable that I do my best to spread my ideas and efforts around. At first I know I will not have such a big following but over time - my site will be visited my more people and that is my goal...and I have no need to delete any of my previous entires in the public domain because - well, I am proud of it.

 Anyone else looking for a way to spread their ideas around? Join Blogged.com - I hope it helps...

Yours, tired, frustrated, and <333

Xinyu Hu

The word of my choice would be, "Avatar." Why? They're the good guys and good guys never give up.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Xinyu Hu

This past week has been really tiring for myself personally - gone through a lot of shit and got pissed off a lot - and now, today - deja-vu - the new kid that I worked so damn hard to train once again did not show up for work...like - what the fuck? Seriously - this guy has some serious issues to deal with - he is essentially useless now because he hardly ever shows up for work and when he does - he is always late...right now, I am not even sure if he is at work but whatever - not my problem if he doesn't show up. Although the fact that KFC might be in big trouble does concern me - still though - BE RESPONSIBLE. It is not my job to teach people how to be responsible - they have to learn to be responsible or be responsible in the first place. Don't look for me to help you if you don't take initative, responsibility or give a fuck about your work never mind your coworkers, your bosss, and even your, "friends."

People are so damn selfish - especially that cook that I trained persoanlly many many times...he is such a frustration to me! I wish he just take some more intiative, come to work, work hard, and listen to me - my boss and those that are more experienced instead of lazying around, not getting work done well, and not getting the kitchen organized and sparkling after every evening shift...besides whose fault is it that you won't show up for work? Your own damn fault. Don't expect me to do favours for you because I am too damn tired and besides - not in the mood to do any favours for those who are irresponsible, lazy, unimaginative, or for that matter - stupid.

I don't give a fuck what the new guy might think of this opinion of mine - but here is my opinion above. If you don't like the work - QUIT. If you like the work but have excuses - then QUIT. If you really like the work but can't seem to have the will or the responsibility to carry this burden - then QUIT. There is absolutely no point in wanting more hours and yet not showing up for them. If you can't tolerate the atmosphere and habitat of the workplace - then QUIT. There is always somebody else that we could hire anyways that is far more responsible, determined, and energized....no silly excuses for why you can't make it to work. I will not tolerate continued absenteeism because I am not doing any one any favours right now - because I don't feel like it - and besides - I am too exhausted these days to do any long favours for anyone...I have to get back my life...

And - as always - love you Lady of Flowers...miss you a lot these days and looking forward to meeting up with you as soon as possible...

Yours, Happy Friday the 13th!

Love & Light

Xinyu Hu

I've had a tough-ass week end this week, never mind - to be more accurate - since my last public entry...

Well - first off - stupid coworkers! The new guy that I personally trained is so irresponsible - but that is no surprise to many that I talk to these days - for some reason the kid decided to not show up for work today and is almost always late for some reason or another, does a decent or half-decent job of cleaning, and there is always constant excuses as to why he can't work instead of finding a solution around making his plans that conflict with his work schedule he just called in last minute and stated that he has a doctor's appointment - what the fuck? That is so irresponsible, lazy, and most likely - uninformed, un-imaginative, ill-initiated to do anything about it, and doesn't seem to take his work too seriously or seriously enough...

Now - aside from work - relationship chaos. I need not say too much here - personal stuff - so, to just sum up what I won't write here - Love is worthy of Sacrifice.

I swear though - this past week has been really rough on me - I've never experienced that much changes so fast and so tremendously - it really shook my foundations, and to question and to find out the reason as to why, and how to go about finding a solution or solutions...

Love you always Lady - no matter what.

Xinyu Hu

So many shit happened these days - making me either fucked mentally or just plain out disappointed or angry at the lack of initiative taken by my coworkers...especially one newbie cook that comes late almost all the time - and I mean it...it is like he either forgets to come, don't remember his schedule, failed to confirm, doesn't want to come because of some stupid silly excuse like getting sick - I care not whether or not you get sick - it is your responsibility to take care of yourself and not make me suffer unnecessarily becaiuse you are being irresponsible by not coming to work/taking care of yourself when you should know better (obviously)...I don't give a shit about any excuses - valid or not that says you can not come to work - you are just a newbie for crying out loud and already you are making excuses for not being able to come early for work! What the fuck!

Geez - moving on...

Today's plan didn't go as I would have liked it...oh well - patience and perseverance...why oh why does this kind of shit happen during this time of my life when everything is on the gradual pace of becoming better...I am either screwed or it is just the world...so many people hold some grudge against me but I don't give a fuck - I am so preoccupied these days - have to keep myself busy somehow - anyhow...any means to get over these three days before I get to see you again Babe...gosh! Uhhhggg - can't wait till I can do cash and packing officially...

I miss you a lot Lady - wishing to see you soon - I guess these past few days are either to remind me not to take for granted what I have or it is to teach me to not always be too joyful and happy (which I was before these few days came around and my plans start either crumbling apart, ruined or inevitably delayed)...so much shit! My GOD! I am so pissed off! I am so miserable right now! I don't know what the fuck I am suppsose to do...but I plan on Friday to not cook for sure at KFC - instead I want to do packing and cash while the noob who didn't show up today takes a double shift - for many reasons: a) responsibility, b) endurance, c) to cover his shift that he could have had taken today, d) for me to watch over him and take care of him whenever he fucks up the cooking process or even the kitchen...that is alone a lot of benefits for him and myself - so, all the reason for him to do a doubleshift. I've done double shifts before and I do not want to cook or do a double shift...that would just be hell on Fridays...I want to relax physically so then I may be psychologically prepared and trained well in terms of my other mental skills...

I know I keep jumping from topic to and for but that is how my mind is today (at least at the moment I am writing now) - sumpy, simulataneous, emotional, touchy-feely - it is just what it is...but that is beside the point - WHY OH WHY I am so disappointed these days? That is the question that I have to get answered - somehow, some way...

Love ya

Xinyu Hu

My work days are getting better - that is - I am now working morning shifts. For those of you who are very close to me and are familiar with my talks about my workplace - well, pray to God that I will be able to hold onto morning shifts for good until I quit my job (or vacation leave as I would tell my boss)...because honestly - being able to spend some quality time at home alone after work is great...but alas! Sometimes I just don't have a lot to say other than about how my schedule has changed in my favour...which is good. No - which is awesome...!

I have been so busy with miscellaneous stuff like buying groceries and everything these days that it is quite hard to get my imagination rolling - but I think I can make it happen again once I get some more time off...so stressed out these few days I could barely think up of a topic to write for my Xanga entries lol...now, that is not funny. Oh, whatever - it is just frustrating that I don't seem to update so much these days...wish I have more to say...I probably need to do more reading and other fun stuff besides work and all my, "usual" activities - which is just lame...and considering I hardly see my gf - well, times are tough, and tough times require tough action - both internally and extenally...

I probably need to do more reading and also more art...that way I can give my imagination some rebirth and at least a chance to catch up before I totally lose my sense of imagination - which I hope to God will not happen...

---------------------------------

After reading The Hedgehog Dilemma entry - well, what do I have to say? Well, this is my point - on's life does not depend fully on one's past - your past does not - does not define you as a person COMPLETELY - because it can not. It is merely a segment of one's personalities and character - there is way more to a person than just the past. The past does not define - it influences. It does not need to be considered at every twist and turn of life - because life does not require that of us. All that life requires from us the will to live for today and tomorrow and to reminisce and cherish the past but not to live for it. The past did teach us lessons about our past - but the present and the future will teach us all many more lessons. Not all our life lessons and values come from the past just like not all lessons can come from the present. Everything in life goes at its own pace - it is not a tsunami of lessons that we are expected to learn overnight - it is too idealistic and too much to learn in one moment of our lives.

It is vital therefore - to move on with one's life - to take risks, to dream up of the impossible and to forge your own path - no matter how silly or stupid one may think it is. It may sound stupid - but it does not make it stupid. It is may sound arrogant for one person to make predictions or to make things happen for themselves against the flow of life - that is because one may not and it is counter-intuitive to imagine that the flow is always right just as it is impossible to believe that our own freewill is always right - but with a good balance of both extremes one can live for oneself and at the same time - serve others and, "go with the flow." But, "going with the flow" is not always the same as, "conformity." There is a huge inuitive difference there - because conformity requires obedience while going with the flow means you may also make your own little spring separated from the mainstream but at least you are connected to it - a little bit at certain moments here and there.

Today - I, personally live in the NOW, the present, and focus on a prosperous future but at the same time - I do get mad about certain past memories or people - but aside from a few anger spasms once in a while considerng my psat I do not actually go out there and do whatever the hell with it. I let it be and just let them continue living their lives (whether miserable or destructive is not for me to judge - but to commentate/criticize- sure, why not?).

I am happy with my present - although I do need to improve on certain areas and change in some ways or another - but aside from that - it is no big deal. I can handle a relationship along with work and family issues (I think) and take care of myself all at the same time...so - everything seems to be going well. I just need to improve my imagination skills once again...art/left hand writing/reading???

So much to do - yet so tired...oh well, I'll wait until my summer break to actually do more art and such...for now - I'll see other people's art lol - it might actually give me some ideas!

---------------------------------

I miss you a lot babe and really want to see you tomorrow...our first formal date! I am excited.

Yours, love and anxious

Xinyu Hu