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  • Too Many Injuries: Ever Since I Started Work

    Before I started work I had absolutely little to no accidents. Now - there is almost at least one accident per month. It is kind of sad. I hate accidents. I have been so accident prone these days - ever since I started out at the new KFC where I am working now. I have burns now on my face - well, luckily not all over my face - just around my mouth area - really hurts, so I am looking for some medication to heal these spots quickly. I also cut myself with the tomato slicer once because I was in a rush - terrible, terrible - the pain lasted for about a two weeks-ish. Then - before that - I had an accident involving me and my bike in which I slipped and tore some of the skin of my hands off - but now - it is way better and has successfully healed.


    Notice that many of the above are because of my impatience and also because of my carelessness and panicky nature...which resulted in more devastation to myself than anyone on the known planet around me. The past couple of months - more like nearly half a year have been a struggle for me - dealing with the day-to-day chores, and also going to work and facing almost the exact same situations almost everyday, and dealing with whatever problems that may come my way...over all, it is not what it seems. Cleaning everything is a hassle enough already and I seriously CAN NOT wait until I declare to my boss that I want to quit. July 21, 2008 is my day to watch out for - so about sixteen weeks left until I can declare my intentions to quit and leave the job for good and hang out with my pals and do other things. I am going to seriously quit - I swear to God I will.


    I am so fucking sick of the environment but I endure. I do my best to live day by day so as to hope that it will go faster and give me my respected rest days...but for now, I need the money and when I am ready to not make anymore money I will be ready to assert myself and quit successfully before school starts.


    I miss you already babe. I know we'll be seeing each other soon but you know how I feel when we are no longer hanging out together...I love you dearly.


    Yours, love


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     


     

  • My August Vacation Break

    I want to quit my job for a month and I told this plan to my mom just today and she - for some reason strongly disagrees with me planning to take a one month vacation before school starts. Thing is - I have a lot of plans in the folds and they need to be taken care of as soon as possible. My mom suggests a two week vacation instead of a month - but I WANT A MONTH OFF. My mom somehow feels that I misbehave myself somehow if I were to get off work too early - thing is - I have worked for MONTHS already and by the time August arrives I would have a lot of cash in my financial cache so why would I want more when I feel I would - by then - already have enough money in my bank account to last for a month and beyond?


    Personally - this planned one month vacation is very important for me - I want to spend more time with my gf and to relax and do tons of other things I got to do before I go back to school. Since I got so many things planned out - such as practicing more cooking (something I have no done in a long, LONG time), writing with my left hand (too much work these results me in feeling stressed out to even practice unless I were to write a letter to my gf) - getting tattoos, and loads of good stuff to get to do with myself and my gf - so what the fuck? I think I am going to go ahead with this one month vacation of mine anyways - despite the fact that my mom strongly disagrees with it. Funny enough my horoscope said that this decision could have an effect on myself and everybody around me. But for my own good (and the good of others) - I NEED A FREAKING VACATION  BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS.


    So what would you recommend Lady? That I continue with this original plan or lessen my vacation break something I am very hesitant if not stubborn to do?


    Also - I want to try out three psychedalic drugs: Marijuana, DMT, and psychedalic mushrooms. I don't care - those consequences are worth it. I want to experience the unknown - the mysteries of life and let Nature explain to me the Nature of Life and from there I will spread and encourage everyone else to try out psychedalic drugs and to fucking wake up. If one were to look around oneself - from an airplane and fly around the world and see the mountains, the jungles, the rainforests, and the natural phenomenon - then as one approaches the cities - one has to wonder - "What the Fuck is this New Shit? " Simple - it is cancer. A disease that spreads - we build up our own little matrix or prison where we all think we are an individual but deep down we are all a collective - not just individuals. For example - when we look outside at a tree and all its leaves we don't look at one individual leaf - we look at the whole tree.


    My parents are opposed to it. I care not though. I will do it someday. It is worth the risk.


    What do you think Lady?


     


    Yours, 888 <333


     


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     


     


     


     


     


     


     

  • New Schedule! (And Other Rants)...

    This is just going to be one of those entries where I describe my work experience - since I can't seem to figure out other things to talk about...of course, I could describe my love life - but that is confidential and as such is only in my mind and in my heart, therefore - work is the only subject matter that I will talk about today - due to mostly boredom and also the fact that I do have some good news now in terms of BREAKS from work.


    I am resting every Wednesday and Thursdays from now on! Yippppeee! : ) <3! You know what this means?! This means you and I have the same days off and now our schedule can be shifted around a little bit of when we hang out! Isn' that just so cool babe?


    Anyhow - did some packing today - actually spent four hours packing while someone else was cooking - a relief for me personally because I am not a big fan of cooking anymore - sure - it may be fun as some may think - but I disagree - after a while you just get bored of it and even though you know what to do - it is too predictable, not fun, and not a challenge for me anymore. I need a challenge - something to test my limits and also to bring about opportunities to improve on my work habits and everything else. I much prefer now to deal with customers directly instead of indirectly through the making of chicken - BORING. As boring as it is - I still got to do it - which kind of sucks for me but I am willing to do endure that crappy business until I can train well the next cook who will cover for me - hopefully as soon as possible.


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    These days are so darn boring - just waiting for Wednesday to come is making me anxious - the sooner these past few days are done with the better - so then I can see you babe. I miss you a lot and think about you often. I love you as always...


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    I can't wait till new Avatar episodes start airing again - been a long, LONG time since that happened. I am so boring these days - I don't even know what to do every day other than thinking about you, or just doing my typical day-to-day chores, and still thinking about what to draw for you to impress you and to show you my love for you...pretty difficult - having an artist-block for some reason...


    Today my dad is finally coming back from China after his ten-day vacation! I know I haven't really told anyone about this - but he also fixed up my old broken camera that I once accidentally broke a long time ago! Ahhh - so many good things are happening - then again, I did lose my stupid debit card...so silly of me. I now thought up of a new plan to keep track of my debit card and so then that way I won't lose it ever again. I hate losing things after I go on a fun shopping spree - but honest to God - STOP LOSING THINGS XINYU HU!


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    Yours, Love & Light 


     


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     


     


     

  • The Bliss After the Storm...

    These past couple of days has been the craziest series of days ever! I literally worked 13 hours yesterday alone - so stressful. I worked from opening to closing - which is a big endevour for me personally since I did work about that long when I first started out at the new workplace (KFC) when I transferred. Still though - I did my part. The reason why I had to work for 13 hours yesterday was because nobody wants to go to work and nobody was able to come to work either because they were either pre-occupied, didn't feel like it, were too lazy or didn't take the new opportunity seriously or even at all. Still though - LOTS OF money for me! Now - also considering that it was a Friday - no surprise - really busy as hell after four - but I endured it through - that is why I call this entry the Bliss after the Storm - because this is truly what the past few days have been like for me. I worked my ass off like crazy serving customers sometimes directly and sometimes not so directly - via cooking obviously. So much patience went into work yesterday that it kind of traumatizes me to realize that I am very capable of being able to work real hard. I am a hard worker and it should be no problem being applied to school once I go back there - bummer - the only thing that differs work from school is that when you get back home you have HOMEWORK - shit. Whatever - I'll be living off-campus so that is kind of cool because then I don't have to live far from my sweetheart and also save a ton of money in the process - although transportation is the main issue - oh well.


    On Wednesday I went on a major shopping spree - yeah, I know - how often do you hear a guy go on a shopping spree? Lol. Anyhow - bought you the stuff you wanted Lady and also something extra and still working on a drawing I am going to give you as soon as I get to see you this coming Wednesday. I also got myself some cool stuff - some of the computer games I've always wanted and some of the DVD's I've also always wanted to own. Green Earth rocks! I also bought you a really awesome figurine there - I think you'll like it. I also gave myself some gifts for working so damn hard these past few months - a small Ouroboros figure that is on a book model (to symbolize the Sacred Feminine aspect and also to aesthetically balance out the Dragon you gave me which is a Masculine symbol).


    I miss you a lot Lady - I love you dearly.


    I really do wish to see you on Wednesday and pray to God the weather will be good which I promise you it will be!


    I am just so bored right now - just a feeling.


    Yours, love


     


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     


     


     


     

  • Another Injury on the Day of Bloodshed...

    Today happens to be one of those days where bullshit happens and then you remember and finally learn a couple of new things along the way. It was just four - make it four and a half hours that I cut myself real bad...it was really stupid but I was in a panic...I cut my right finger nails (partially) and now it is slowly getting better so essentially when I am typing up this entry, I am also improvising and learning how to master the use of my left hand...which is excruciatingly painful if not numb and sore...


    So much blood today...ahhh - nasty. Thank god my boss helped me...the reason for this accident - tomato cutter - seriously NO HANDS next time Xinyu...your girlfriend is gonna get worried about you...why oh why did I take this unnecassary risk? I don't know - I just wanted to try new things and get myself hurt in the first place? Well - it could just be karma...or just my own stupidity...


    Anyhow, during the healing process I had to shout out your name in my head and my heart just because I can't stand the pain of this bloody incident..coincidentally - today is also the astrophysical Day of Bloodshed so I deduce that this accident is no, "accident," in the astrophysical terms - because - well, this is the day that the Waco Siege ended in Texas in 1993, and also the day of the Oklahoma bombing in 1995...so I suppose in reality this bloody, gory incident of a sort is some kind of unintentional blood ritual much like what Jesus did (if Jesus was even a real person I have no time to get into - too much time)...to the Great Divine Consciousness? Yeah - probably is - my Shadow is speaking to me - some kind of deliberate accident I suppose - I know, the oxymoron...ahhh - so hurtful and - well - I don't know to describe it - because it is too hard to say in words - I love you lots - every time I am in excruciating pain I cry out for you my love...Lady.


    Right now - thinking of you and typing up this hefty entry - haha...I love you babe...really could do with your presence a lot...why oh why do I do so many stupid things these days? I must be crazy!


    Yours, in pain and missing and loving you


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     


     


     

  • Virginia Tech & Its Aftermath

    It has been a year ago two days ago that 33 people died in Virginia Tech. It was this same day a year ago that me and my two best Fire Sign pals hung out and talked about it - and not surprisingly enough - we got plenty of offensive glares, smirks, and passerby gossip and observers who looked upon as heretics and lunatics. No surprises there ladies and gentlemen - in a world where fascists, dictators, tyrants, and murderers rule - anyone who dares to speak out of line is looked upon as a disgrace if not a disesase on society. So be it. I have aceepted the fate that I will be for ever called a, "crazy conspiracy theorist," because I choose to speak out of line, and often what I speak about is against the offical norms of the day - but, alas, I could care less and I encourage all to speka out, and speak up. Be proud to be called weird, strange, abnormal, crazy, insane, ludicrous, or at worst, "bastard," or even "bitch."  


    It is a pity that so many people had to die on that fateful day of April 16, 2007. Then, within months after Virginia Tech some other Asian guy committed suicide because of his depression and hatred of himself...then - more school shootings occurred (and one at a mall - shocked? Don't be - this is government-sponsored-terrorism-on-behalf-of-your-security). It is apparent just based on the events after VTech that we have learnt absolutely NIL from its tragedy. We all much prefer (or at least most of us) to remain ignorant and go with the flow instead of thinking for ourselves. Most of us would much prefer not talking about the most insane issues at hand and get to the source of this bullshit. Instead - we go along with whatever bullshit the official System tells us because we are afraid of stepping out of line and even more afraid to speak out even when we know - deep down in our heart of hearts that something is terribly wrong with the state of the world, and that something is out of balance - and that something does not feel right when we go to work, when we pay our taxes, when we go to church, when we take out the garbage, when we look out into the cityscapes of office towers and skyscrapers.


    There is so much global bullshit happening these days that it is incredible how most of us has turned a blind eye towards it and as usual, get back to focusing about ourselves...instead of each other. While self-focus is not a bad thing - it can be a hazard if over used. We are living a world where warfare is rampant as ever, the Media as always bullshits us, and as always - many of us accept this state of Global Bullshit as tolerable - because - eh, "as long as it is for my personal good," right? Funny how so many people do not use their God-given rights when they could and when they should. We are not a hopeless species - we have just been mislead, misdirected, and at worst - deceived, conspired against, manipuated, and twisted into what we have all become today...people fighting for survival and merely living by the rules...and in order for those of who have woken up - we use the System against itself and we live in it to destroy it - or at least - change it for the better.


    I, personally do not feel guilty for dropping out of university back on September 15th - the 13 Days of Reflection as I call them now that I stayed at Guelph. After all, I feel much more sane and if not - at least more comfortable with myself and proud of my heretical blood - which, despite the trauma it caused me and I inflicted upon my old high school, I see no need to regret it. There is so much to learn on the streets - but right now, I think the streets have served its purpose.


    Always thinking about you my love...


     


    You are the Lady of my Dreams (literally and figuratively).


     


    Yours, loving and loved


     


     


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     

  • These past few days have been totally insane. After I hit myself going to work on Thursday my hand and my knees are in a bruise, and are literally crashed and burned. Of course, now it is getting better. Kind of annoying - I missed quite a fair amount of hours of work, but whatever, I am doing okay now. I got pretty big bruises and are now slowly recovering since Thursday.


    So bloody and brutal those injuries are. So now it seems like I can't go out biking for a while so instead I have to walk to work now and have my dad drive me back from work late at night for like five days of the week until probably near May when these bruises will start getting better.


    Saw you today at the mall - I know you probably didn't expect me there - but I figured I just wanted to see you after quite a long time - miss you a lot these days. I was at the mall for some band-aids - for these injuries I have - so I figured I might as well see you for a little while - more like - 30 seconds or so.


    Love you as always, and speaking of you - for a while just now my hands smelt like you - don't know why - probably just my imagination or some other weird stuff. Doesn't amtter - 'cause I like the scent of you - especially if you were far away and I can still smell you - that is awesome, kind of sexual. Odd, never thought I could get your scent on my hands without even being with you for like nine days...connections?


    Love you and miss you a lot babe. Hope to see you on Wednesday - please remember to call me when your dad comes back home from work so then we may hang out...


     


    Yours, <333


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


    P.S. This injury is going to take at least a couple of months to heal.


    P.P.S. I have no respect for the Elites.


     


     


     


     


     


     

  • If you could put together a dream team of 5 bands to perform for you and friends, who would they be?

    The five bands would be:


    Green Day


    Avril Lavigne and Crew


    Red Hot Chilly Peppers


    The Killers


    Marooon 5 - coincidence?
       


    I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!


     


    Xinyu Hu


     


     

  • The Illuminated Chakras by Anodea Judith

    The Illuminated Chakras by Anodea Judith - 6 Videos.












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    Anodea Judith - Template for Transformation  

     


    I did a Chakra test to see what my Chakra state is like so far these days - this is the first one I had done so I am just saying what I have discovered about my state - seeing that I would love to be balanced spiritually and be at peace with all aspects of my personal duality...and live in inner peace just like the Avatar Spirit that is within each one of us. I want to be enlightened and lead by example. I want to endure the power of love instead the love of power, co-operation and collaboration, instead of command-and-control and competition, peace instead of war, love instead of fear, ecosystem instead of egosytem. Disappointedly - and personally speaking - my first three Chakras - the Earth Chakra, Water Chakra, and Fire Chakra are out of whack - imbalanced. Earth is under-used - meaning I am not very connected to the Earth and the connections between us all and for that matter - most of material things. That, unfortunately includes the limitations of Earth, the so-called, "censorship" of reality, the need for some modest rules and laws, restrictions, confidentiality, and privacy - where I can be comfortable with everyone else. This seriously need working on as based on yesteday's long Xanga posting.

     

    As of the other two elements; Water and Fire are overused. Well, what does this mean? It confirms first of all - that I can be a bit too egocentric (Fire) if not plain out disrespectful at times. I am too fiery and too furious at times - the rage within me is expressed from without by the wars and constant mishaps between me and people. Finally - a bit too much passion and obsessive interests (well, let's hope I do have control over them which I am working on at this moment...). Hence, this leads to my further isolation and imbalance in the elements. I have to freaking balance all Four Elements, (Earth, Water, Fire, Air - funny - this reminisce the Avatar: The Guru episode where the four elements are arranged acccording to the seasons just like in the introduction of Avatar: The Last Airbender - foreshadowing our transition from Fire to Air Chakra - war to peace - again, this same motif). The rest of the Elements of Air, Sound, Light, and Thought are all pretty much open and hence stable. There is no definite number of how stable each Chakra should be in order to remain opened but I think my numbers reflect a sense of good balance - I just need to have a good foundation with the rest of my fellow human beings...hence bringing me back to the age-old topic of PEOPLE and PRINCIPLES. I have good, strong moral and ethical principles, but when it comes to dealing with people - I get frustrated. Oh well, I'll solve my own psychological and spiritual issues myself - somehow with the help of others.

     

    This is what I call rapid spiritual transformation. Hmmm...doesn't look like my critics are wrong after all about a number of things...with too much Water and Fire I can be pretty imbalanced with my thoughts and actions...a conflict of interest if you will. I would need a lot of meditation and self-reflection to solve this issue and do things to stop this imbalance of Earth, Water and Fire. It is bothering me and I will do something immediately to stop this path of imbalance and immaturity of the Chakras...It is kind of weird how all my other Chakra's are opened - enlightened perhaps but with an unstable foundation is no good. It results in too much anger, frustration, aggression, oppressiveness, wrong methodology, lack of patience and other hassles in my life that potentially ruins my own policy of seeking enlightnment and freeing others as well. I just got to remember what the Guru told Aang while he learnt to master the Avatar State while opening his Seven Chakras:"In order to find balance from without one must have balance within. As without, as within. What is external is a reflection of what is internal." So - what a lofty goal - to simplify all the crises and mishaps that I figured out yesterday in my entry. See -as I promised myself - from, "Darkness to Light." Literally and figuratively my friend. What I speak of I will do - even if it kills my guts to figure things out to the core and from there work out what my problem is and discover any odd, "strong messages," that I would eventually have to learn to respect and hopefully receive.

     

    This is so insane - so much change is happening. Everything is changing around me and so am I. Learning the imbalance of the Seven Chakra's is a critical step forward in the positive direction. Wisdom will be spread and my teaching methods will also be more - appreciable and less malicious by understanding.

     

    I miss you a lot babe, really do. Can't wait till tomorrow. I have to make inner peace and inner love...so much to do - so little time.

     

    No matter though, I will find balance and I will be the Avatar Spirit and be one with Divine Consciousness.

     

    We are the Ophichius and the Ouroboros (Ophiuchius found the secret of immortality, Ouroboros a grandeur reflection of that Immortality). I love you always and forever.

     

    Love

     

     

    LordX to Lady

     

     

    P.S. I am. I feel. I do. I love. I speak. I see. I understand.

     

    P.P.S. Lead by example, and follow if inevitable.

     

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    P.P.P.S. From Heirarchy to Holarchy, Control to Connection.  

     

     

     

     



     

  • The End of an Old, Unstable,"Relation."

    George Carlin - We Like War


    More Self Reflections on Self...


    I have ended (this time for Good - OFFICIALLY - no more bullshitting, no more nonsense crap, no more hypocricy, just full out BLOW IT UP) all relations, all communications, and wiped his entire existnece out of my memory. Such a person is no longer essential to my existence. He was too negative, too critical, to judgmental, and too proud of himself - as that was how our relationship was formed - based on personal, self-given pride. It was a relationship based solely on arguments, debates, and not once or never have we mentioned that we appreciate each other. And even if we did - it was all total bullshit. It was a fucking war between us - and now, I am walking away. I take his advice and his messages with me though - but the person - no more. What he spoke about me I will remember and comprehend, reflect upon, and improve upon - but I can no longer stand his presence in my life. He is too much of a burden for someone like me - optimistic, realistic, philosophical, emotional, intuitive, a critical thinker, and someone who seeks answers not futile petty conflicts of interests (ie, ego was always a big problem between us).


    Whether or not I betrayed him or backstabbed him makes no difference to me. I may be impatient at time. I may be losing some tolerance - but to say that I have no tolerace and no respect for people in general hurts my feelings too much just as I hurt his feelings. Such a relation is void of any meaning, any hope, any love, or anything worthwhile. Too much expectations and standards makes it impossible for me to understand because there is also along with it too much denial to access truths and information or any way of how to improve let alone solve the problem by getting to the heart of it. Instead, I have given up on him - but not giving up on my search for truth and liberty...even I may have made a few mistakes a long the way. I may even have been seductive, oppressive, suppressive, and aggressive,  or bossy - but that is the way I may be unconsciously acting in front of him because he just ticks me off way too much to bother - I can't handle it anymore. I want answers not hints or little clues - ANSWERS. I don't want to have to guess every little shit in a relationship - I don't mind some guessing - but seriously? Saying I am too consistent? Too predictable and ritualistic? Reading my fucking mind? Do you actuallhy believe in that shit? Fine - whatever - who cares if they are true about me? I have so many flaws that it is hard to keep track of it doesn't really matter a whole lot deal when I have to deal with him specifically.  


    A relationship based solely on debate, ego, arguments, and stupid preachings is useless, and as such - I am declaring my will to officially end all ties, all communication, all means of recording each other's existence. It hurts me that such a relation or former friendship have to end in such tragedy - but I tried - even if I do need to strategize and adapt better. Whatever you got to tell me - tell me nothing because I blocked you from accessing my blog even though you can see it only if you do not log into Xanga. I don't care. I don't give a fuck.


    I don't even want to your friend or anything like that any more. I don't care what you think about me or trying to make me obey some of your stupid rules. I live by my own ways - independently. If you still choose to view me the way you do - then fine. I at least confessed in this entry that you may be right in some of your arguments against me. I could care less though because you are not very trusthworthy in my policy or whatever you want to call it. I have such low, simple, honest standards for a friendship - if people can't reach them then oh well, just go on with your fucking life. Luckily - I am becoming more social these days and also a bit more ticked off and enraged and fueled to do more rebellion and acts of social sabotage but I know better. I like mysteries but not too much secrecy even of what one has learnt in the past 48 hours or more - knowledge is to be shared for everyone because knowledge is what keeps us illuminated and ensures our survival most if not all the time. Ignorance may be survival but it is only survivial for so long - and it is not bliss thank God.


    What if I really don't want to live by all the RULES of society? I was never really a big fan of the status quo - the limits, the boundaries, the borderlines, the censorship, the secrecy in a free and transparent society. May there, "should be limts on freedom," but I always find it uncomfortable to deal with. Whatever - it is an issue of my tolerance level again...oh well - got to work on this as always. People - Principles - Precepts - they all each need one another in order to live a decent, free life.


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    Now - how does George Carlin's video relate to the old relationship that was once good... - the truth is - we were both were FUCKING with each other and unnecessarily projecting each other's penises' into each other...so, now, getting tired of it - I walk off and say - FUCK OFF...we are both stupid to even have started a friendship so many years ago. A friendship that is based on warfare (notice the oxyMORON's already?) - is not meant to last and sooner or later one of them or both will walk away and tell themselves: "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON." Well, too bad - that has come true already on this day.  


    Officially.


    Yours, love


     


    Xinyu Hu