True. If all you do is complain, I don't see how you will find the solution. Our problems begins within - realize that.

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Today is a very important date as I just realized after seeing my watch and it reads 11:11:(11 - 33) sec.

Today I had a talk with my boss at KFC about becoming packing and cash instead of my regular work as cook - which is, to be real honest - getting boring, dull, mundane, and not very intriguing. I mean - I do essentially the same thing everyday. There is very little connection between me and the customers other than how good the chicken looks, how it tastes, and whether or not it suits the interests of the corporation and customers in the first place. In other words - I am very behind-the-scences, important, critical, but in the shadows. I am not even appreciated most of the times, I bet. Almost over 90% of the customers have never even met the cooks let alone said a greeting to him (rarely a her - sorry ladies but KFC  cooking work is for guys mostly because - well, you'll understand later on as I explain)...

Sure, I do the cooking, the breading, the cleaning, and all the simple miscellaneous tasks, but they're damn important for the restaurant business. I have to also fix machines, filter them, carry heavy boxes around, throw out garbage, pour oil into the cookers, and occasionally change the oil and even do my boss a few favors such as taking out the oil whenever from the cookers and fryers. So, as you can see ladies, this work is not very exciting. I prefer instead that you stick to dealing with people while I try my best to work on dealing with people DIRECTLY from now on. I envy you all for your people-abilities, but, oh well, got to work on mine anyways so not a big deal anyhow for me at the least. I have confidence in my capabilities - just remember the time when I won in cadets for raising the most money during some fund-raising stuff without even realizing it and not even working very hard at it, and in the end very humbled to realize that I won anyhow - now that I think about it - I must have been in a very good mood to have won it in the first place as it happened at a very important stage of my life. Still, though, I wonder - how did I actually do it? Whatever - the answer is simple: DO IT. That philosophy and mind-set still prevails to this day and I hope it lasts for ever in my soul and my spirit as it is an essential aspect of who I am.

So, today - I am determined and expect myself to be cashier and packer by the end of May - latest. A lofty goal perhaps but I think it is reasonable even though there are doubters out there. I do not OVERestimate my potentials, I use my potentials to achieve my goals and objectives. I just need to be able to speak up - whether by conventional or unconventional means. I seek to work on my communication skills and cash/packing gives me the confidence to do so. I believe I do - regardless of how my people may doubt my capabilities. I don't even know why I feel so optimistic right now - next week - special.

Secondly - I have to now take care of someone very special to me - my - well, to be accurate - lover (not the politically correct term significant other). So, now with a girlfriend life is more interesting and more intriguing than ever before...it doesn't really feel the same before when I was single. I mean - back then I had little to nothing to worry about - not many challenges either except a few of the old simple crap that - to this day still needs improvement. Whatever - it will take time. Take a chill pill, cool down, but work hard, take a careless, but also a determined can-do attitude and I am sure all my small problems will be gone off in a breeze...I hope. So, now - back to the topic of having a girlfriend - well, I can't describe it too hard so instead I will have to describe MY responsibilities in my new relationship (to be more accurate - FIRST relationship). I have more responsibilities than ever before - like telling her I love her very much which I do, determining all the logistics, tactics, and strategies of when to tell her and how to tell her, the best approach to dealing with not being able to talk to her for a long time, and dealing with my continuing anxiety and somewhat lack of patience (in reality I have a lot of patience and perseverance, I just feel too anxious these days to actually comprehend it is still there) when I can't see her around or be with her...then - there is the all the emotional, touchy-feely aspects of it...Sorry, can't say any further than this because - confidential.

I won't say anything else about who my girlfriend is other than that I love her very much, and I am from the first time I met her - responsible for her wellbeing, and that I have much obligations to attend to from that moment. So, yeah - a lot of goals and responsibilties, obligations and definitely - LEARNING to attend to. So, chow people, I love you babe.

Yours, love

Xinyu Hu

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I Love You, Always - Forever.

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The word: Exile. Why? Simple - I don't like the status quo - never really was a fan of it. I am me - free.

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Hugging them, embracing them, kissing them, cuddling with them, and saying, "I love you." 

Yours, bored but full of love

Xinyu Hu  

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Dear All Subscribers:

For those you who are subscribed to me - I must say that what you would normally expect of such a site did not come out as expected. Sorry, no consistensy was available yesterday. I was intially having a really good day - until that psychiatrist or psychologist singled me out and told me a bunch of stuff that I did not like hearing or at least knew were not true or at least invalid. Anyhow, that is besides the point. What I wanted to say is that I apologize for the anger and frustration I had in me to blow up on Xanga. I know - the appearance and complexion of my site (only by appearance) doesn't seem to have the room for such anger and philosophical if not insulting rhetorics. I know that many of you will feel mad that I wrote such an angry post - but know this: I find it very hard to bottle up my anger unless I write it out and deal with more directly from there.

I, once again, apologize for my angry post yesterday. It was a collission of my good day and my terrible day and when that happens I just wanted to return to my internal, perpertual bliss and unfortunately displacing out my anger was the only way I could have done it. And AgonyIsFun is right in saying that rather than commeting a long line about Authorities, the System did not help and instead I should have just noted: "I am happy with who I'am." Then again - it would be easier to understand that I am a fiery personality and when I get mad I get really angry but I do not fight in the physical manner of the sort unless I absolutely need to and it is an emergency that is inevitable.

I know, getting mad is no good.

Love

Xinyu Hu

I woke up at five o'clock this morning having not slept all night - dreaming about the time we spent together - thinking that the day will proceed as usual and end successfully as always at around the same time it would normally should anyways...

So, I went to downtown TO to see the psychologist that my family doctor prescribed me to - and guess what? It was a fucking waste of my time. I told him everything I could but to no avail. I don't need any fucking psychological help from any freaking counselor anymore or for that matter - a social worker. I don't trust them because I see that they don't work against me whether or not they know it. I don't even trust the, "mental health" system...it is corrupt spiritually and I don't want to get involved with them.

The doctor or psychiatrist merely told me that I am screwed - which I know, and when I stated "isn't everyone?" - he just answered, "no way - only you." So, I get singled out because I did what I did a couple months ago last year - so what? I don't give a shit anymore whether or not I have Aspergers, or some kind of mental illness or some kind of psychological, "learning disorder," if you really want to be honest by all means call me stupid - but don't call me, "very screwed up" in front of my mom and expect me to actually fall for it. There is no such thing called, "normal" Mr. Psychiatrist - no such person called, "Mr. or Mrs. Normal" with, "Normal Children" ever existed - not a single one in any record on any location on this planet. None has ever existed since God created us. As far as I am concerned, I could care less whether or not I actually have a fucking mental illness. As I stated before in one of my old entries on this frigging awesome blog - it doesn't exist in my mind, and as long it doesn't exist in my mind I see no reason why it should exist in the real world either.

It doesn't matter to me what the Authorities, the System or what the School System thinks of me - I am content with who I am, and I would only trust the critique of those closest to me not some friggin' psychiatrist that I know I will never in God's name meet again. We all have issues - for example, this is an issue with you and regarding you so I don't give a fuck. I don't ever want to see a counselor because none of them are helpful - I have my own road to pave and my own music to play and my own drum to beat - I don't need any of this total bullshit about how you are,"more screwed than the, 'average' person." As far as I am concerned I don't care about whether or not the average person exists because it is irrelevant to my existence or anyone else's existence (since none has ever existed on any psychological or even for that matter historical records). There is no, "average," there is no, "normal," and by the way, there is no, "medium," - what the fuck do you expect us to do? Be fucking mediocre like you and everyone else who would rather be fucking sheople instead of people who can think for themselves? Well informed perhaps? Caring and loving? Open-minded - at least willing to admit their own wrongs and live with it, deal with and face it on a day-to-day basis. I am my own fucking psychologist, counselor, and psychiatrist - I don't need another one aside from the lady I love, or my parents and a few of my closest friends - I don't need anyone else to interfere in my own personal psychological business. We are all fucked, we are all screwed, and fuck it - we should be damn well be happy about it because that is what keeps us unique, different, special, and precious in the eyes of God. If none of us were screwed then we are all really screwed - okie dokie?

I know that you may think I am a generalizer - that I am random, that I rationalize complex issues - but isn't the best solution the simplest solution (though not always the case)? that I am fucked, that I am messed up mentally - but who isn't? What is the definition of, "normal" according to the, "professional, expert, master PhD" standard? How come you never explained what makes a person. "normal," if there is such a thing. Surely if such a thing existed then you would be able to explain it - but you didn't - and what does that tell me? It tells that you are just as screwed as I am. I can find any way to screw anyone I want in almost any way (not by violence that is my limit) possible - so, there you go. I just screwed you over Doctor JJJ...you are no match for a student and a pupil, soon-to-be master of psychological, spiritual, and philosophical discussions and debates (to be really honest - warfare).

Why can't we be allowed to feel sad, to feel angry, to feel unorthodox, to feel unconventional in this spiritually degrading Western Society where people spend most of their days buying things they don't need and paying high interest rate for it in return...? WHY? I hate being provoked by the very people who are suppose to help you - it is counterproductive, and I know that my decision may sound prejudice even insulting...but isn't the truth always insulting and disgusting to hear? Damn, even I am guilty of that crime - everyone of us are...we just have to learn to deal with it, live with it, and realize that danger of all kinds is natural in the free world. Indeed - without any dangers, life would be damn fucking boring - would you want to live in a world where you can't commit suicide, take a few recreational, educational, victimless drugs? Or even view those, "censored" shit? Or take a little harmless smoke perhaps? Fuck - I wouldn't. I would rather do all those activities freely and get help freely without going through some sort of fucked up mentality called, "bureaucracy." As far as I am concerned - with liberty comes danger and insecurity - fuck it - take a little risk, consider it an adventure - a test in life to teach you a lesson about life. Life is meant to be insecure or else if you were to be too secure you wouldn't know what fun is. Hell, I can even bet any of the things I listed that is considered general taboo is exciting...just think about all the hassles and simple problems a suicide attempt might bring, or the attempt to understand the visions you are trying to see through educational psychedelic drugs? Or how about those explicit shit eh? I know we all do have those guilty pleasures. Might as well face it sooner than later...isn't it funny if you really think about? (this joke in courtesy of George Carlin).

I love learning new things about myself, but I know that I am screwed and fucked - I know that is true for every single person on this planet - no exceptions - thanks to Gabriel's lessons in philosophy to me...thanks a lot dude! I am devoted to becoming more of a spiritual person...not too materialistic of course and just get the stuff I need and satisfy some of my wants at a very slow pace...slowly is the word here...patience.  

I love you lots as always Lady...didn't even sleep last night...emotions as always...

Miss you sweetheart

Xinyu Hu

Why and under what grounds should it be illegal? It is a harmless activity and there is not a single law in any legislation that says homeschooling should be illegal. In fact, it is perfectly legal because it is a harmless activity - while it goes against the interests of the State - seriously why should anyone care? Education is a lifelong responsibility and does not require the State to intervene in every case. I say - there is nothing wrong with homeschooling because it is perfectly legal, legilimate, and constitutional in every place in every country.

Why is this even a featured question should be the featured question of the day...? Haha - anyhow - remember - EDUCATION IS RUN BY THE INDIVIDUAL NOT BY THE STATE.

   

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If I were to give up the computer for one year, the person would have to pay me 33 million dollars to compensate for my inability to use the computer...that is if and only if the bet is in cash...COLD HARD CASH!

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Yes...I do like the name my parents gave me (actually my grandparents) because it means, "Ancient Heart of the Universe," a very special name because it is very beautiful in and of itself - that is if only you are living my life...

Yours, love

Xinyu Hu
   

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Today I really want to see you - somehow, someway...we got to meet up...I haven't seen you in so long, I am quite anxious and desperate actually...for ages...feels like millenium...

I love you dearly - you are the most precious person ever to have come into my life...the only lady who knows me well, and have accepted me as I am...(even though I still have a couple of flaws...still though - better than my previous attempts at girls)...and because you know me so well, and I know you very well as well - we are well - meant to be. Everything feels right when I am around you, and I really want to kiss you, hug you, and just be with you - somehow.

You're a beautiful lady - gorgeous (drop-dead actually) - hot, sexy, and so wonderful...in all possible ways, and precious beyond imagination...you're The Rose...thank God for you my darling...

I pray to God that today we can hang out somehow - someway, by some means...it doesn't matter...I just want to be with you even for one minute or even one hour...

I accept you fully, and unconditionally for who you are - completely because that is what I am suppose to do, and I do it because I really do love you a lot - very much...

I believe that we will get together soon and do something fun together...although I am not sure exactly what...still though, I have faith concerning this matter...and don't worry, I am working on some of my vices that you pointed out to me...

I have always loved you, and I still do - though I do have some troubles showing it - I am working on it, and now I have that chance to make some major changes to my life...without you these opportunities of transformation and discovery would never have had happened...

Through all the shit we have gone through since we have known each other - I say, it is damn well worth it in the end to eternity. I Love You.

Yours, 888 love

Xinyu Hu