It may seem that I am updating a lot these days, at least, today, because I am in turmoil, and, as such, I need to write as much as possible to get these things off my chest...a record of the past, a past that in this case of personal struggle must be remembered if progress means anything at all.

In order for me to grow and to make any progress whatsoever - emotional, spiritual, psychological, mental, and philosophical, I need and must give up some of my normal attitudes and let go of myself for who I am in order to discover more of who I am. It is not an easy task, and with it, comes pain, and suffering, a daily, minute-by-minute struggle of attrition within myself that results in warfare, and total obliteration of the old self in a very, VERY long time...

I realize that in my Protected Postings I am blunt, honest, and quite specific (although there is the common emotional descriptions of events)...but, the point is, progress needs to be me made, and with it, my personal security becomes not as important as progress itself. After all, considering that I am insecure inside, what is there to lose by making PROGRESS? There are things in life that I have to do that requires sacrifice, that means letting of my security boundaries in order to let you see me for who I am - a rare opportunity mind you...

Over all, no matter what kind of progress we make - security is not always the number one priority, although it is, we should not take it too seriously or else it would seriously jeopardize the whole purpose of any mission in life. It means the following: While security, friendship, and trust are priceless themselves, there is a cost to progress - letting go of a bit of security, making new friends, and bonding to make more trust - because if we are to go anywhere as a species, even as individuals, if we always follow our own ways, we might as well be called arrogant cowards or whatnot. But, I am not intending to insult anyone here, I am just saying - there is a heavy price for the progress of friendships - co operation, honor, loyalty, duty, and humility on both sides. It is a game of reciprocity - I be selfless, so should you. Philosophical, emotional, psychological, and personal growth, progress, and maturity all begins with sacrificing a bit of something, because if we do not, there won't be anything to gain.

I understand the perspective that some people have about the pricelessness of security, and the safety issues that follows along with it, but, we can't allow this whole ideology, like doublethink to get in the way of progress can we? To gain progress, there is always more price to trust, to friendships, to security - we need to pay off our duties in order to make the forward march. It is no easy task to explain this whole concept to myself, nor to you, the public, but, I hope you understand as I have finally come to terms with this and my own fault of slowing down progress between me and my friends. Is this personal? Oh, hell yeah! But, if I don't say this, what is whole point of having a Xanga in the first place? Isn't it a place for personal growth as well as we learn from our past, and from others the cost of friendship, of trust, and and of security itself? Am I hopeless, and in vain? Oh, yeah I am, but what is the point of complaining about it? To feel better of course, but we still got to live life to whatever degree we can. I may be a pessimist, but I have hope, because hope is the only thing remaining in Pandora's Box - because without hope, there wouldn't be Pandora - it is she that we have to thank.

Yours, with much love

Xinyu Hu

We are all kind of like Crayons, we are all different and yet all so very much the same.
         -Anonymous

When the artist is alive in any person, they become an inventive, searching, self-expressive creature. They disturb, upset, enlighten, and open ways for better understanding. Where those who are not artists are trying to close the book, they open it and show there are still more pages possible.
         -Jeanne

To not love everyone is to love no one
         -Anonymous

Neither a borrower nor a lender be:
For loan oft loses both itself and friend.

          -Polonius, scene iii, Act II 

To be, or not to be, - that is the question: -
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? - To die, to sleep, -
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, - 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep; -
To sleep, perchance to dream: - ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despis'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would these fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death, -
The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, - puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know naught of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought;
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard, their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

              -Hamlet, scene i, Act III

Just quotes for freethinking...

In order to provoke some discussion, heated arguments, and controversy, I am going to list all the problems currently facing the United States of America (hence, the world - i.e. Globalizaation, Socialism)...

They are:

- Illegal Immigration, Illegal Aliens - stealing away American jobs, the Chamber of Commerce, lead by Bill Gates and his puppeteers use the Senate, its Foreign Relations Committee, Arms Committee, Judiciary Committee, and the House of Representatives to pass laws that are beneficial only to the Big Business interests of the American multinational Corporate Elite. This creates a crisis in America where the Middle Class is being slaughtered by rich, influential, and conservative Christians as well - who are, really, Christian-Islamic-Jewish Fundamentalists, Extremists, and Anti-Constitutionists who want to tear the remnants of the United States Constitution apart for their own purposes...

- The, "War on Drugs," "War on Alcohol Abuse by Teens," and, "War on Crime" are all jokes on the American people...like, seriously - let me analyze this whole, "war" on the American people's liberties and freedoms from a third person perspective: None of the wars can ever be won at all - unless, of course, the CIA has been covertly been involved in the Mexican drug cartels, alcohol smuggling, and creating the crime behind the scenes of the American public. Until the American people - the Middle Class reacts, the High will always retain their position regardless of the daily struggles of the proles in America - the Land of the Free.

- Low wages, same job, losing jobs - Blame it on Globalization - One World Government.

- "Scooter" Libby case, Valerie Plame Wilson's outing by Karl Rove and other high ranking White House officials, Monica Goodlings role in the General Attorney's firings of 8 Attorneys under the rule of law of the United States of America - its a treason even worse compared to how much the CIA is already betraying the freedoms of the Middle Class by wagin propaganda warfare behind the scenes using the Mass Media, Big Business, and the Chamber of Commerce.

- The War on Terrorism - first of all, you can't win the war no matter what - you can go on fighting this war for a thousand years, and still - the terrorists - or freedom fighters or whatever you want to call them will always be able to rise out the ashes of their invasion by the American Army and knock out the foundations of American Constitution.

- American Kleptocracy - welcome to the North American Union ladies and gentlemen - one step closer to One World Government.

- Hurricane Katrina, FEMA - its a living lie, and a sick joke on the people of New Orleans - it was a deliberate mishandled situation in order for Bush and his White House thugs to steal whatever natural resources that are present in the area in order to ensure their Big Oil friends - Imperial Oil, Exxon Mobil, and Haliburton take over the world along with DuPont Chemical Company...welcome to the New World Order ladies and gentlemen...

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Imagine - see America die and rip itself to pieces inside out. The Sith Lord - the Bush Administration along with their White House cronies and thugs have managed to make the United States - especially Bush - the world's Number One Terrorist. Fucking idiot Bush - time to do something American citizen - don't just stand there and watch as the nation that you cherish so much crumble apart - America is now the New Babylon, the New Zion of the New World Order One World Government. Take action my dearest friends, because we don't have much time left.

Yours, with much <3

Xinyu Hu

P.S. I love you very much...you know who you are...thank you...for everything...I owe you big time...

These days, I've been feeling so fucking depressed. So, I am going to be honest, and truthful about my feelings and suspicions about this one motherfucker...

He is a:

Bitch, bastard, idiot, son of a bitch, son of a gun, loser, liar, stalker, troublemaker, Satan, Lucifer, the demon himself, an inferior being - not even human or anything close to it...you name it...

Anyways, this bitch took to to the Guidance office - what a motherfucker, pussy, sissy-cat. Can't even deal with such things himself - not even human. Not even a man for fuck's sake! He is A BIG LOSER!

That bitch nearly tried to suspend me - good luck to him in hell. Fucking idiot. After playing some computer games for a while, I figure that, that way, I don't feel to so bad afterwards. It feels great to be able to smoke some computer player - it is satisfaction beyond all reconciliation. Now, because of that, I feel so much better.

Funny - yesterday I was imagining on the walk home all the possible ways to avenge against someone, but, luckily, computer games offered the correct solution with the least collateral damage to me and everyone else. Better fuck up the computer by imagining it to be that hateful someone else - Malicious...fucker -  Lizard, Satan, Lucifer, the Devil...the motherfucker of the century...stupid idiot...

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Now that I feel much better - let me describe to you my first day of turning 19 - BORING, except for the computer game part. Now that I am an adult I need to behave myself more, and take more responsibility...but the idea of going to a bar sure sounds sweet...and even going to club still sounds amazing...

Finally - thanks Lady for saying that I am your greatest friend that you ever met in the last 17 years of your life - you're also the greatest of all...beautiful, I guess...in many ways...

I love watching Avatar, Jimmy Neutron, and this ghost boy show - man, I still feel like a kid, but, that is the thing with Aspergers you see - its inevitable...so, in theory, I am still, emotionally a 12.5 year old to a 13 year old at heart...although, in practice, I honestly should know better...

Yours, with much love

Xinyu Hu

As my title implies, or means, nothing can be challenged unless it is criticized. Nothing can be changed unless it is challenged. That is the duty of every philosopher. So, in my effort to make a difference to the world of philosophy, etc...I have made a forum on the Net that allows us all to keep in touch, and communicate in safety...

PhilosophyWorld

And also, check these out:

NeoEarth333

Freedom Domain

This is my expertise in the world of Internet forums. It sure does sound amazing doesn't it?

Check THIS OUT!

Check this site out for all you guys and girls who want to fuck up the world - do so at NeoEarth3.33.33.33 edition, the newest, most innovative, and intriguing Internet warfare game fought for all, by all, and against all odds - that is, my friends - an ultimate upgrade that can not be beat even by my rivals who dares to challenge this version of NeoEarth III!

Yours, with much <3

Xinyu Hu

P.S. See NeoEarth 3.33.33.33 for yourself.

P.S.P. "Know Thyself..."

Last nite was fantastically fun and hilarious, man, it was jokes. Shit, Lady - missed you quite a lot already - although it has been something like 24 hours, but, still...

Anyways, so, last night went over to Gabe's house for a chill. It was pretty enjoyable actually. We started to work on a new Matrix story that took place 23 years after Matrix Revolutions. It involves all the people of the current Trintiy Society. That means - Lady, Lord X, and Ghost...

Matrix Reborn is gonna be a sick story. Someone will die - that person is, ironically the cause and effect of the reason why the Matrix and almost everything else was reborn in a new aeon of technology, spirit, and the aftermath of Neo's influence that bought great peace, prosperity, and glory to the Machines, Zion, and the Matrix. Unfortunately, I can't spoil everything for you all, so, we just have to work it to get it.

Do it, because it has to be done - I think I am beginning to come to understand the meaning of that saying. It is not easy, but, ironiclaly, I have to do it, because it has to be done for the future, for the present, and for the past. It is just be birthpang of my gradual repent from the darkness that has so consumed me these days. I am so emo these days, it is not even funny. I even broke into tears today after viewing the Graduation music video by Vitamin C - and also the Welcome to My Life music video. Ahhhhhh - oh well, that's me when I am really depressed, oppressed, and suppressed by the world. I lack discpline, but, it does not mean that I will never get it. I need more tolerance, patience, and perseverance, and above all else - obedience to myself - not necessarily to this stupid System that seeks to establish itself as the core of my individuality - something I refuse to surrender without a fight.

Today, the System, the Society, and the Self are all at risk of salvation or sabotage. There is hope, but that hope lies in being practical and ideal. Positivism and Negativism, Optimism and Pessimism - they come hand in hand, like roses and thorns, if you want it, it comes with a price tag that is essentially priceless.

Yours, with much <3

XINYU HU

In English class, we are writing a group essay on this fairly interesting, but very short play called, Inherit the Wind. It is basically a dramatic documentary of the Scopes trial in Tennessee in the United States during the McCarthy era. Well, now, to the topic of discussion or debate - why do I also call the play, "Inherit the Storm." Simple - there is very little evidence for describing Brady's character no matter which direction I go or my group goes. All the evidence overlap, and there is almost no progress regarding which archetype is fitting enough for a debate. It is rather inconvenient on my part, and my groups, so I cheated by reading an article on Wikipedia about the story, but over all, its not very useful. Trying to describe one guy called Brady with your group is one thing - but, trying to write an essay about another person is something that is just as hard as doing Mr. Brady himself - a character in the story whose role is pretty dull, stupid, and foolish for the most part. Basically, its pretty useless trying to find evidence to back up any thesis whatsoever.

So, because of my inability to find any good evidence, whether debateable or not, I am angered by this project. It is unreasonable, unrealistic, and fails to give us any options whatsoever. I feel like this English class is the most bizarre I have ever seen and known of in my entire existence whilst on this planet. It is driving me crazy. I feel like fucking up the book to shreds if I could. So angry1 I am outraged by any concept such as Inherit the Wind - I'll inherit the storm of my own anger and aggression at this System out at the book. Oh well, I have caused plenty of trouble in my own household to be considered by almost everyone else as insane and intolerable of the most extreme conditions - which requires specifics to the point of no return. Yeah - that is how cruel and harsh English class is this year. The storm of my rage is just beginning...

Trying to be more or less specific is telling me that trying to be more or less general would yield the same results. I need information that I can actually use to get this stupid project taken care of. I hate this year's English course - it is too specific, and it offers no outlets for individuality. It is a frustrating experience. When I get outraged - the storm gets massive and colossal. It is lethal and it is destructive to the core. My extremity is really getting to me - but, I think I can deal with over time. ONLY by typing out my emotions could I feel any better than I already am. I am feeling miserable and depressed these days because of these stupid conformities set up by teachers whose expectations are too high, unreasonable, and clearly unrealistic. It is possible - but it is not probable for everyone to reach the same potential - alone, and going solo.

I need to find more cheats on how to get this fucking work done fast and efficiently. This is just the start of more or less conventional, direct warfare against this fucking, son-of-a-bitch unreasonable formats of essay writing, a stupid book, and an even stupider expectations...

Feel my anger. Feel my fear. Feel my hatred.

Feel it until the Storm arises out of the ashes of oblivion, hence, order.

Xinyu Hu

This is my response to Gabriel's refusal to let me join his world - so, in effect, I retaliate, or respond by creating my own version - far more upgraded, realistic, and idealistic than Gabriel's world of politics, intrigue, real life situations, etc. This version is gonna be as stated by the version - infinite googleplex's times better. Welcome to the New NeoEarth 3.33.

These days, my greatest weaknesses are getting to me - they're annoying, bothersome, and frustrating to deal with. This is not a thesis of any kind, so who cares, right? Anyways, back to topic.

I am really lacking patience with this fucking System...why? Simple, every time I try to achieve an objective, it normally backfires at me - because, of, as you may have already guessed - DOUBLETHINK. "Doublethink is screwing you over Xinyu - Doublethink backfires, don't you care? - Doublethink is addictive, dangerous, and is a terror force - you know that Xinyu?" Thjese are just some of the many advice that my friends gives me about the dangerous that lurks behind the philosophy, ideology, and whole concept of doublethink. I believe and know that doublethink is very practical, and very ideal. Not. Anyways, that is not totally true. I know that. I knew that long ago - perhaps even in an unconscious level - tacitly behind my own cover of ignorance and knowledge - or whatever I call it. The point is, I am a fucked up, crazy, insane, lunatic, and screwed up individual. The cause: doublethink and its overuse. Sure, I overuse it, abuse it even to do whatever I want it to do, so much, to the point that I am the concept itself. Invincible. Invisible. Indestructible. That is the essence of doublethink. It is a sword, a shield, and it is my eyes and ears. It is what makes me who I am - I guess. One day, I know that, because of my tendency to manipulate the rules to serve my own purposes and deliberately tearing the System apart - I'll either be forced into solitary confinement, jail, or get assassinated. Worst case scenarios for the world's most dangerous and indiferent man to almost every single strand of humanity and the world (with a few exceptions - like my family, my best friend, and so on and so forth)...in fact, I do care a lot about the world, but what the fuck am I suppose to do? Just watch it get fucked? No, do something - do something? Be indifferent. It is the perfect cover for everything.

I am not a very obedient, docile, inactive, passive, and ignorant individual - at least, that is what I think. But, do I belive in it? Of course. I am already planning inside my head how to cause more havoc, destruction, chaos, and oblivion to the entire fucking planet for God's sake. That includes causing destruciton to my enemies - no matter what at the cheapest and most convenient time in order to escape the effects of bad karma. Yeah, bad karma - if only I do give a fuck and don't give a fuck about what I can do about the Lords of Karma. If only - I knew a spark of mercy within myself that will allow those evil lords to escape my wrath...but, I am angered, aggravated, and agitated by them and their fucking son of bitch policies on how to distribute that worthless karma garbage. I am going to ger more and more disobedient unless someone convinces me fully and completely that I am going to on a path that I should not be taking. I know that this dark path is not what I should be doing - but for now, my emotions has gotten the best of me. Forget rationality - vengeance is in my blood against the world, the System, Karma, and my adversaries.

Now, today, finally - my tolerance level for my fucking enemies have essentially dropped to nill. That is how cruel and harsh I can become towards my enemies once I have given them millions and millions of mercy, forgiveness or hoaxes of it at least. I need to raise my tolerance level significantly to get through this era of personal outrage, and even outspoken words of fear, anger, and hatred...I am so emo...oh well...my enemies are hopeless, so I might as well make them even more hopeless and helpless than they already are - they deserve it. Patience. Obedience. Tolerance.

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Now, concerning conventional and unconventional warfare. Fine, I admit it - I am obsessed by power - the pleasure of it is so - beautiful, seductive, and wrathful. I am its slave, but, at the same time, I am its master.

I realize that unconventional warfare and peacemaking tactics are no longer working to my advantange, so, now, I must turn to more conventional and orthodox methods of achieving what I want. No matter what. I want more and I need more - because well - in the struggle between me and this fucking System - I am fighting to take control of my own life, and I don't believe in fate. I have freewill. Absolute Free Will. Now, today - I am corrupted by doublethink, power, and the thirst for freedom, liberty, and equality at whatever the cost - even at the cost of my own fucking soul. Fuck the free world. I am getting to the edge of breaking down, toppling over, and crumbling. This is my life, and it is time I take charge of it - by fucking the freeworld of course. I give up - this is as hopeless as trying to stop the sun from setting or from the moon from disappearing, or even the planets from rotating around the sun. I am - well, me.

Yours, with much <3 (love)

Xinyu Hu